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#302 - i'm itchy
08/26/02 @ 11:36 am

fuck me. what a grand end to a grand weekend. NOT. fuck.

first, a confession. I am no beauty queen. And for some reason this year, my acne problems have come back with a vengeance. Over the past 5 years or so, it's finally been getting better, only to have it come back just as bad as it did when I was a fucking teenager. ARGH. So I got a little desperate. I went to look for some new facial wash or SOMETHING. I realized that despite my trying all sorts of different things, they ALL had the same main ingredient: salycic(?sp) acid. Which does JACK SHIT for me. So I went to the store and started looking for something that said "acne" but that didn't contain this salycic shit. Good ole benzoyl peroxide. Remember that stuff? I used that shit like everyone else in high school. I bought an acne wash with 10% benzoyl peroxide. I'm pretty sure that's not that 10% of the bottle is BP, but that a 10% BP solution is added to the wash.

It says a) the stuff stays in your pores to help you fight acne all-day long; and b) use twice daily.

Friday morning I used it for the first time. I had this horrible zit bothering me all day, so I went home and straight-away used it a second time. I thought I had rinsed it off quite well.

That night after coming home from dinner and showing Sigmund around town, I noticed some red bumps on my throat. I wondered what it could be. I went to bed.

The next morning, the bumps were now all along my jaw and my throat, and sneaking up towards my cheeks. And the towel that I had wiped my face with the night before, after supposedly rinsing well, was stained like I had thrown bleach on it. Oh, and it itched.

I spent Saturday and Sunday barely moving, trying not to itch or cry. I didn't want to go out of the house for feeling so hideous. We went to dinner after it was dark Saturday night, with hopes no one would look to closely and see my plagueness, and I was feeling alright because I had some Aveeno calamine lotion on.

Sunday, it had traveled up throughout my cheeks and was now inching along my hairline at my temples, and branching out into my eyebrows. I showered, I rinsed, I used hydrogen peroxide to bubble some of that shit out of my pores. I kept using my calamine lotion. By nightfall, it was on my forehead.

I woke up early this morning to call my doctor. They asked if I was actually taking the claritin I was prescribed. Umm, I always forget my meds on the weekend, so had only JUST taken it. I almost sunk into the ground when she pointed out that claritin was an anti-allergy med and I was having an allergic reaction to something. I'm dense sometimes.

She gave me nothing to help, just said to wait for it to clear up. Drink lots of water. Use cold compresses instead of itching, coz ya don't want a staph infection. Yee-haw, just what I need. Good news is, the bumps on my forehead seem to be going away, so maybe it will start getting better now that I've taken my claritin.

*sigh*

So I came in to work and had this horrible email waiting in my inbox. Grrr!!! On Friday, I sent my Strawburygrl survey answers to Heather, coz I wanted her answers (well, I took out the sexy bits). To make it looks like any other forward, I sent it to some other people I know. And one of them came back as undeliverable. Huh. It had been a long time since I'd talked to her, so I emailed her friend and asked her if she had her current email address. Then I asked her how she was doing, if she was still working at the same place, and threw in a joking reference to the fact that I had gotten some attempts at email viruses from her that weren't a big deal because Macs don't get infected from PC viruses, but wasn't that funny?

And she wrote me back and let me have it:

"
I live in New Hampshire now with my boyfriend. Not sure why you couldn't get through to L.....last I heard you didn't want to have anything more to do with her......why the need to send her forwards all of a sudden when you turned psycho on her for sending forwards to you?� Sorry but......it was weird......I don't always like the forwards she sends but if I don't like a forward of hers I just delete it.� You tell her to remove her from her forwarding list and pick a fight via email and then out of the blue eons later you up and send her a forward?� Seems pretty strange to me.� If L wanted your emails she� would have sent you her new address.� And that seems pretty unlikely since the last contact she had from you was so unpleasant. So no I don't work at the C. anymore...
"

I was so shocked!!! I had completely forgotten all about that? And you know why? Because L & I had made up after it happened! So why hold a grudge for something we had forgiven each other for? Better yet, why is her FRIEND holding a grudge for something I thought L had forgiven me for. Because although I felt justified in being angry with L, I was ashamed at how I had acted, so when she asked me to forgive her, I asked her for her forgiveness. So what's up with C. getting in on this crap almost a year later???

If anyone is curious what happened, I wrote about it in entry #208. And then I wrote about our "forgiveness" requests in entry #211. That was in OCTOBER!!!

I'm pretty sure that all of that was behind us after that, and that we kept in touch with each other for awhile after that, and it was only sometime in 2002 that we lost touch. So I thought sending her my survey answers would be a good way to break the ice again, since they're so personal. C's email just pisses me off! I don't really blame her for sticking up for her friend, but I thought she was my friend too! What happened to hearing my side of the story? Sheesh! This SOOOOOOOO reminds me of something that happened with me & L before, so it's just kinda weird.

When Sweetie and I started dating, he had to break up with L. first. She took it rather well. Their relationship wasn't going anywhere, and she quickly got together with Sweetie's best friend. We were an inseparable foursome for the next 6 months or so. But MY supposed best friend S. decided I was satan or something for what *I* had done to L, and stopped talking to me!!!! It was really horrible. And just BIZARRE, coz L. couldn't figure ot what her problem was any more than me!!!

And once again, I am stupified that my friends never stick up for me when I'm hurt, but when supposedly I do something to someone else, they shut me out. What the fuck? When the love of my life RH tore my heart into a million pieces, S still stayed friends with him. When my 2nd boyfriend was a psycho and left me, S still stayed friends with him. When I finally started a new relationship that everyone was happy about with a GOOD PERSON, she stopped being my friend!!!!! And now C. is being pissy with me over something that L. said she forgave me for almost a year ago! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?????!!!!!

I admire that C. can do this and be such a good friend. But it still pisses me off that she doesn't give a shit about my side of the story. Here's what I emailed her back:

"
Actually, I didn't go psycho because she was sending forwards to me. She sent something that I thought was very racist, anti-muslim, and anti-American to me post 9/11, and I let her know that it was very offensive for her to send me something demanding that I leave "her" country if I didn't agree with her.

Later, we both apologized to each other, and I thought that was that. I was still on her mailing list for some time, and I think I even have her correct email address at home, just not at work, so I thought since I had your email address at work, I would ask you because it would be quicker. Actually, I didn't think that something as personal as my answers to those questions would be considered a "forward". I thought it was a way for people who I don't talk to very often to know a little bit more about me.

I'm sorry that you got the wrong idea about what happened between Leah and I. I hope you like New Hampshire and are happy with your boyfriend.
"

Anyway, blah. What a horrible start to a week. I can't wait until Friday, then it'll be 10 days off with tons of sleep and a trip to Las Vegas to go swimming and girl watching and gambling and... whatever else floats my fancy.

Oh, and AJ emailed me that her surgery went well and she's on the road to a good recovery. She may have to have a follow-up surgery, but this one is already doing what it's supposed to and alleviate some of her pain, but it sucks that she has to have some surgery pain elsewhere for the time being until that heals! And she's ok, which is good news! GET WELL SOON SWEETUMS!!! Can you believe we're stooping to pet names already? God, what a bunch of psychos we are!!! :)

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