archive
guestbook
slambook
profile
linkers
cast
rings
notes
image
Design
dland
link me
strawburygrl feels
strawburygrl feels
It turns out I am a big poop head, but more on that later. What a crappy start to this week. I went home sick around noon today, laid in bed for almost an hour trying to nap, then finally fell asleep for about an hour before I was awake again and decidedly not bright-eyed & bushy-tailed. Grr.
Yep, it was another migraine morning. And then I was nauseaus too. I think I've only ever had one migraine that had nausea as an accompaniment (?sp), so that was probably not related, and this probably wasn't related either. Except me and galpal were discussing her sickness that had her out Monday and part of Tuesday, and I was feeling worse and worse as the morning dragged on, so I'm not entirely convinced that I'm not just getting sick.
Ho-hum. Grr. Do not like being sick. Like there's not enough shit for me to do at work without getting sick and letting it pile up! At least I stumbled upon a brilliant new diary, which you can find here.
Anyway, so now it's almost midnight, and I can't sleep. It took me forever to get to sleep last night too. And... probably Sunday night too. If this is a pattern leading to morning migraines, I'm up shit creek tomorrow without that fucking proverbial paddle. Dammit!
Oh, I cleaned up my profile a bit. Actually, just modified some of my favorite diaries. Tired of being subscribed to diaries who either never update or do so maybe once a month, if that. Not that I hate them or dislike them, just not sure why they should be linked as favorites if they don't produce anything to ever read. The exception, of course, being mysexlife. Must keep her around just for those times when I'm feeling all naughty and dirty!!
However, I've been struggling with something. Something I feel bad about. I dropped one of the first diaries that I ever subscribed too. Because it was just too hard to read. I actually stopped reading a few weeks ago. It's just too hard to deal with her pain when sometimes I teeter so close to the brink with my own. I feel like I should apologize to her, although I'm not sure what for. I hope she doesn't hold it against me. She's a swell person, but the things she's dealing with are just too hard for me to read about right now. I hope life has picked up for her recently, or will soon.
Anyway, I guess that makes me a poop head. But that's not what I meant at the start of the entry. I am a poop head because of how I treated my friend who emailed me that objectionable bulk email forward. When she just didn't get it (and I wasn't willing to point things out to her), I got snide to shove her face in it, and acted like a 2 year old. And she went and got noble on me. Huh. Amazing. The first real email I've had from her in years! She sends me crap all the time that other people write, but never anything from her own heart, until now. It's pretty cool, actually, even if I am a complete loser for losing my cool with her. Anyhow, I thought you guys might like to read the play-by-play. It's so weird that something like this has us talking again. Huh.
Me:
Please remove my name from your mailing list.
-
L:
Its not a mailing list. I just thought I'd share an interesting thought with a friend. You just happen to be one of my friends. I apologize for bothering you.
-
Me:
I'm sorry I misspoke. You didn't bother me. You disturbed me and offended me, and I was actually requesting that you remove me from your address book for sending me something so insensitive and hurtful. I hope this clears things up.
-
L [to all names on the previous mailing list]:
Hello to all of you.
I would like to start this letter out with a sincere apology. Apparently, I have shared some of my views with you that have not been the same as everyone else's views. I apologize to all of you that I have offended in any way. That has never been my intention. I would like to think that for those of you I have offended, you will accept my apologies (for the offense, but not for my beliefs) and maybe we can move on from this point. I know that we are all mature adults with very differing points of view and beliefs. It is my faith in all of us that even though we may think and act and believe and worship differently, we are still capable of accepting (and loving those close to us) each other regardless of our differences.
I hope this letter finds all of you well and happy in life's pursuits.
I love ALL of you.
-
L [to just me]:
Hi.
I hope you got the letter I just sent out, and also hope you accept my apologies. I did not mean to offend you by the latest email I sent you. Like I said before, it has always been my belief that friends can share opposing view points without offending each other.
It seems to me that maybe our friendship that was so close ten years ago has since grown apart. We have both grown up, and nurtured our own separate belief systems. We have also seemed to go in opposite ways with our lives, both in the things we do and also in the things that are important to us. That poses no surprise to me, in that we are two separate people. However, it does bother me that we have seemed to have become a bit selfish, in thinking that what we believe is the only way. (And I hope you are not reading sarcasm into this, because its not the way I'm meaning it. I also not intending this to be accusatory in any way.) It seems to me that in every friendship, there is a modicum of compromise. Is it possible, that within the bounds of our friendship, we have both forgotten that? Is it possible that we have forgotten that we lead very different lives, and yet we are still friends? It is very hurtful that we seem unable to discuss any differences. It bothered me quite a bit when the response I got from you seemed to be an immediate cutting of ties, as opposed to being willing to discuss the problem, and mutually work it out. Had I known that that would have offended you, I would not have sent it. Do you think I purposely go around insulting my friends, demanding that they believe what I believe? No, my friends and their beliefs are too important to me to do that.
I hope you can accept my apologies, because they are sincere. I also hope that we can move on, and possibly rekindle the friendship we once had. I know that is hard because we lead such different lives. But possibly in the realm of our seperate lives and beliefs, there is room for friendship.
I hope you have a good evening.
-
Me:
I am so glad that one of us can be an adult here, because I certainly wasn't acting like one last night.
I think that I have been itching to have a fight with you for months now, and boy howdy did that email push me into attack mode.
A number of things over the years between us have hurt me, and I have not known how to deal with any of them adequately. So when I got this email, I sort of snapped.
[Sweetie] suggested that I apologize for going too far, then explain what it was that bothered me so much about the email.
I do want to apologize for being so rash, and making that last email so... I don't know how to describe it except that there was implied nastiness on my part that at the very least I could have left out. I'm sorry for the nastiness and the immediate cut-off.
As for the email forward itself, I don't think that it would be very beneficial to really do a blow-by-blow, because there were alot of things about it that were hurtful to me.
Know that I too thought the instances of removing flags, etc were quite ridiculous, and that I myself am patriotic. But that I find it decisively unAmerican to begin an "us vs. them" mentality.
But what really cut to the quick, you really should know, was how the email ended:
"Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his or her opinion about our government, culture, or society and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are don complaining, whining and griping about our flag, our pledge, our national anthem, our national motto or our way of life, I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other great American freedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE!"
I was very disturbed and hurt that you sent on an email to all your friends and loved ones about how much this spoke volumes to you, and it ended saying that anyone who disagreed with you should leave the country.
I do forgive you for unknowingly sending me something that would offend me. I think it's kind of silly that I forced you to apologize for something you didn't know you were doing. But it does make me feel better that you took the time to do it. I never really thought you were purposely trying to hurt me, but I did find it odd that you didn't know that you had.
It's also nice that you took the time to write such a touching email to all your friends about it, even though I'm ashamed that I'm the one who prompted you to write it.
I'm not sure if what we are to each other any more is friends, but I certainly don't want us to be enemies or angry with each other. So I do hope you forgive me for making an ass out of myself last night.
It hadn't occurred to me until now to inquire about K[.]. I hope he hasn't been sent off away from you for anything dangerous or long-term. And I hope that B[.] is warm and happy and safe. Take care.
