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Story Posts so Far:
Part 7:
The next night when I dreamt, it was of a dark cavern filled with shadows, ghouls in every corner. "Ah, this is foreshadowing," I whispered, afraid not of the demons, but of what I guessed they represented. I flung the power through the place, and it was gone, replaced instead by my favorite grassy butterfly field. I was not in the mood for pretty dresses, but I thought that to be beautiful in this place of light would help cheer me. I wrapped pale lavender skirts around me, leaving my hair to fall in loose ringlets at my shoulders. I sat in the grass and contemplated my situation, shooing the butterflies, and waiting for Ethan.
He came soon enough, caressing tendrils lapping at my skin in greeting. I turned in their direction, and saw him approaching, my magical beau. He was dressed in black jeans and knee-high Doc Martens, a cream colored classic-cut silk shirt billowing around him. It was untucked and unbuttoned, flashing gloriously milky skin that gleamed in the sun. His hair was the final touch, a red-golden halo fluttering in the wind around his face and shoulders. At the sight of him, my heart lightened despite it all, and I rose to meet him with a tender kiss.
"You look like a sun-god personified," I whispered, my hands running through his thick hair. I pulled a handful forward to smell it, and smiled at the ecstasy he created within me. "You smell like the sun," I murmured, and leaned to kiss him again.
His tongue was warm and soft in my mouth, and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to melt into him and never be parted again. He broke the kiss and hugged me to his chest, his hands in my long hair. "Hello to you, too," he murmured.
I snuggled against his chest, trying to forget my news, but I couldn�t. Finally, I pulled away from him, turning my back to look at my field, trying to draw my courage for this conversation.
He came up behind me and put hands on my shoulders lightly. "What is the matter?" he asked, beginning to knead my shoulders. "You have bad news, don�t you?"
"Of course. She didn�t exactly come running to you today, did she?" I turned to face him then, angry. "Not that she could � you were avoiding her today!"
His hands gave up trying to hold me, and he avoided my eyes. "Yes," was all he said.
"Maybe if you hadn�t, she would have remembered you!" I cried.
"You mean you didn�t remember me?" he asked.
"Yes and no. Dammit, we�ve created a monster, you and I! She is losing control!" I shook my head, and covered my face with my hands.
His hands gripped my shoulders then. "Why are you talking like this, �she�, �her�? You are her."
"I am not!" I cried, pulling from him. "I don�t think I even know who she is anymore!" I was so angry, but not really at him. And now there were tears running down my cheeks. How could I be crying at a time like this?
He grabbed my arms in his, forcing me to look up at him. "Tell me what you mean, Mary. What are you talking about?"
A sob tore through me then. "We�re driving her insane," I whispered. "She thinks she�s going insane."
"What?!" he cried, dropping my arms as if he�d been burned.
"She remembered your eyes," I started. "She remembered seeing them in other dreams, too. She convinced herself it meant something, that someone has been visiting her dreams. She even thinks it�s someone she knows, some odd leap in logic that it�s personal, some strange personal haunting." I shuddered at the memories, and collapsed into the grass. "If you could have known her train of thought. It started out innocent enough, with her thinking she had a secret lover visiting her dreams that she couldn�t quite remember. But as the day progressed, she became obsessed with the idea that it was someone she knew, and then she made another leap in logic that it was a vampire or witch or some creature trying to possess her soul, and that this person was in her life and had some evil intent!"
My eyes were closed, and I heard him fall heavily beside me.
"No," he murmured. "No, this can�t be." He clutched at me then. "Are you sure, Mary? Are you sure?!"
"Yes!" I cried as he shook me. "She thinks she�s going insane! She doubts her very sanity because of us! Ethan, she has a history of depression! She thinks that this is just something worse she�s sinking into!" I cried in his arms that held me from him in horror. "She thinks that it�s some demon, or that thinking it�s a demon means she�s insane. And now she clings to her marriage, thinking it�s the only thing that will save her!"
"No! No, no, no!" He cried, and drew me into his arms. "Sweet Mary, you are not insane. She is you, and you are not insane."
"No," I whispered. "I am not her."
"Yes," he said softly. "Yes, you are her, but you�re not insane."
I just cried against him. "Are you sure? Are you really so sure all of this is really happening?"
"God, yes," he said, rocking me in his arms. "Mary, I remember everything perfectly when I awake. It was pure torture today, knowing you were just one floor away from me all day long. I kept making excuses for not being able to go to your department, for fear that I would fall to my knees before you to declare my undying love right there!"
We sobbed together over our predicament, when suddenly he pulled me from him to look into my eyes. "Yes, that�s it! I�ll just tell you who I am!" he exclaimed. He was grinning in astonishment at me. "Tomorrow, I�ll march straight over there and tell you that you�re not crazy! I�ll tell you that it�s me, and that I love you, and then we can be together!"
"No!" I shouted in a panic. "No, you can�t! You�ll just drive her over the edge!"
"Don�t you see? If I leave you alone to this, you�ll either sink deeper into this depression thinking you�re insane, or you�ll convince yourself it�s nonsense and forget all about me! Mary, it�s the only way!"
I searched his face, wondering if this could be true. "You can�t ignore the possibility that it could drive her over the edge," I said.
He sighed, energy diminished. He nodded. "Yes, I admit it�s possible. But even then, we might be able to pull her out. I could keep explaining it to her out there, we could keep meeting in here to force her to remember."
"Ah, even you admit she is someone else," I said.
"No! No, I don�t. You are her. She is you, I know that deep in here." He clutched at his chest.
"If I am her, then do not entertain so lightly the idea of driving me insane," I whispered.
His hands dropped from me, stung. His face trembled with fresh tears. "Never," he whispered. "It�s only that you are my entire life, and I will do anything to keep you with me."
"I�m sorry," I whispered, and fell sobbing into his arms. "My love, my Ethan, I am just so afraid."
"So am I darling, so am I," he answered, petting my hair, as we cried together.
We did not stop crying for lack of pain, but instead from lack of tears. They had been all used up now. I sniffled and he pulled a kerchief from a pocket to help me wipe my face, then his.
"Are you sure about this?" I asked him. "You could lose more here than you have mentioned."
"Your husband could intervene, I know it."
"I could loose all trust in you, and demand myself that you leave me be."
His head sunk, but he nodded as he stared at the ground.
"But you are willing to risk this?" I asked him.
He looked up then, eyes red from crying. "Yes," he answered. He took my hands into his. "But only if you are with me. Only if you agree."
"I want to be with you. I agree," I said. "But you need to promise me something."
"Anything," he said, hands on my face.
"First," I started. "Don�t just walk in there and make a fool out of both of us at work. It has to be handled more delicately than that."
He nodded his consent. "Of course you�re right. I was rash with my words. I would have realized to just blurt it out would have been disaster."
"Good," I said. I sighed, looking into his eyes. Ah, to love someone this fiercely, only to have them so close to leaving me forever. I could not bear it. "Now, the promise."
"Any wish you can ask, I will grant with my whole heart," he whispered. "In this place, I can do feats of magic even."
I grinned wryly. "Will you lasso the moon?"
He smiled back, broadly. "It�s A Wonderful Life," he said. "I will do as you command, Mrs. Bailey." He reached out his hand towards the sky.
"Hold on, George," I said, grabbing his hand back before he could work some magic around us. I kissed his hands. "That was not my request."
"I am enraptured at your teary smile," he said. "Ask away.
I gripped his hands in mine. "Promise me, that if you fail tomorrow, you will come here to me that night. You will take me to that magical moonlit room and make love to me all night long, and then the next night, and the night after that forever until we die." I paused, closing my eyes. "But never attempt to contact the real me outside again. Save her a little sanity there."
He sucked in his breath at the prospect of it. He had wanted to try and try again until I caved into his pleadings to believe him about the dreaming, and here I was asking him to give it one try and then let me go forever. Could he possibly do it? Could I really ask him to?
A war of emotions fought over his face, and he closed his eyes, squeezing my hands as he fought to control it all. Finally, he opened his eyes, and there were fresh tears in his eyes. Oh, how could I have hurt something this precious so deeply. I was a monster.
"Yes," he said before I could retract the request. "I will do as you ask because you hold the key to my heart, and I need you with me to keep it beating." He sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at me again. "But more importantly, it�s the right thing to do, and I want you to know that I realize that. I don�t want you thinking that you are the cause of this pain in me. It is a promise I should be able to enter into and keep because it is the right thing to do only. It was selfish for me to think I could keep tormenting you forever."
"No," I said. "I wanted you to as well."
He nodded, and then he arose, bringing me to my feet. "Tomorrow then," he said, and gave me a quick kiss and headed off.
"Wait!" I cried after him. "Where are you going! Don�t leave!"
He turned and came back to me. He took my hands in his, peering down into my face. "My love, I need to be alone now. I need time to settle this conflict within me. But mostly, I need to contemplate how best to convince you tomorrow without you thinking either of us are mad."
With that, he gave me another kiss, this one long and deep, as he clutched me in his arms. Then he turned abruptly, and walked out of my grassy field. I sat down in the grass, and watched the butterflies accumulate, wondering if there was anything I should be doing to prepare myself for tomorrow. Finally, I settled to making daisy chains and chanting, "He loves me, he loves me, he loves me�."
When I had been chanting for what seemed forever, and about to give up from exhaustion, Ethan appeared out of nowhere. "Ethan? You�re back!"
He sat down quickly in front of me. "No time, quickly, it�s almost time for us to wake up," he said. "You said you didn�t love your husband anymore, right?"
I blinked at that. "Yes."
"Why?" he asked.
I did not know how to answer. How to explain five years of living with someone, and then the horror of falling out of love? "I� He just�" I took a deep breath and began again. "I�ve been out of love with him for a long time now. I convinced myself 2 years ago that marrying him would make us fall back in love, and it seemed to work. But a few months after we married, I realized I had been wrong. And then� Well, then I met you."
He paused to consider this. Finally, he asked. "Do you think you actually love me out there?"
I felt doubtful. "We�ve never spent any time together socially, Ethan. I don�t even know you out there."
"But you said you lusted after me?"
I grinned. "Yes, from afar, yes. I daydream about you sometimes, that�s all. That, and make up excuses to visit your department."
"You�ve made up excuses to come see me?" he asked, incredulous.
"No. I�ve made up excuses to be where you can see me. In some crazy way, I secretly want you to do something to show me you�re attracted to me."
He was contemplative for a bit. "And you�re sure you don�t love your husband?"
"I have not been in love with him for most of our relationship, sadly. And lately, we don�t even have sex, let alone talk about our lives away from each other. I think he may still love me, and I still care about him, but I am not in love him. I�m sure of that."
"Do you have plans tonight?"
"What?"
"It�s Friday night, do you have plans with him tonight?"
"Yes, we�re meeting for dinner at 8. I am planning on dressing up that morning and staying at work late until it�s time to go, rather than go all the way home to get ready."
"Perfect," he said, giving me a quick kiss. Then he was off. "I love you!" he shouted back at me, then he was gone.
"I love you," I called after him. "I love him, I love him, I love him�" I began to chant again, resuming my daisy chains, until suddenly the alarm woke me up.
