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#355 - your god is a horrific god
06.07.04 @ 6:44 pm

"My god is an awesome god," was sung at her funeral. If by "awesome", you mean inspiring horrific-awe, then yes: your god is a horrific god.

Horrific for taking such a gentle, good, happy soul.

I'm not sure who was having a harder time: the Christians trying to find the right words to say "God has a plan, it's an unknowable yet good plan, and her death is a part of it", or the atheists listening to this and being reminded all-too-clearly that there is no meeting her on the other side with happy smiles.

She's gone, and the universe is a chaotic place that makes no sense. No sense at all. You can try to make sense of it, but that would be pointless.

Make sense of who she was, what she meant to you and them and everyone. Revel in her goodness. Sing it, laugh it, share it so that it can go on.

Don't paint pretty pictures of golden mansions where you can come a-callin' for tea when finally you arrive after her. That's just pathetic and ignorant. She's gone, and we're left. For awhile.

I've decided that at my funeral, Bach should be playing while everyone is taking their seats. The pretty Bach, the minuet with the flute I love. Then my casket should be wheeled-in while Depeche Mode's "Somebody" is playing, so we can see if my husband will commit suicide on the spot, throw himself on my casket, or something equally romantic. Finally, Ministry's "Stigmata" should be played quite loudly. While this is going on, one screen will scroll the lyrics to the song, and a competing screen will scroll the most excruciating tidbits from my various journals, selected from the most depressed periods of my life.

Yes, I think that would be a fun time for all.

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