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#304 - calling Cranky McCranky Pants!
08/27/02 @ 3:34 pm

Well aren't we a Cranky McCrank Crank?

You know, I spent a ridiculous amount of time rehashing that shit that happened between me & LH last year. All because of one terse email from CR. I was trying to be friendly, and I get full-on bitch mode from her, something that you had to work really fucking hard at to get from her in the past. I was totally going to come home, check my email addresses, and see if I *did* have LH most recent email address, and ask her about what happened, and if we were really ok or not.

And then I realized: why the *fuck* should I? Jeezus, she was so annoying after our first year. She was kind of mean and cruel and not a very good friend, and so I finally stopped talking to her, and then when I saw her after 4 years with no contact, she spent 15 minutes as me & her & my man stood in WalMart completely monopolizing the conversation. I swear, I don't think me or my husband had more than 2 sentences a piece allowed out of our mouths the entire time. It was a complete turn off. I was horrified that I had made any overtures towards keeping our friendship in the past. She was like some bizarre alien creature. And when I invited her to my wedding, I immediately regretted it when I next saw her, because she was EXACTLY the same at the next event I saw her at. My only comfort was that it would be my wedding, so I could ignore her for most of the time, and at least not give a shit whether she got on with my friends or not.

So, yah, when she emailed 10 email forwards a day at WORK, I got frustrated and asked her to remove my work email from her forward list, and to just email me at home. Of course, I actually did this by sending her a "netiquette" forward, about how annoying email forwards are. *rolls eyes at moronicy (hehe) of self* no one said I was perfect in these types of situations. So she got flummoxed. Upset. Defensive. Whatever. I just told her please, bosses were evil, and said THOU SHALT NOT RECEIVE PERSONAL EMAILS AT WORK (total lie), which she bought and backed off.

Then that shitty piece of crap that I found so disturbing last October, and I had HAD IT. So fucking sick of her brand of crappy friendship. Of course, when I dealt with her the way I wanted, just severing all ties, I felt bad afterward, and agreed that of course we could be friends.

And now I find out she's talked behind my back about it with others? And convinced them I'm a psycho?

Fine. Whatever. Sheesh. Why didn't I say good riddance ages ago. Fuck all.

And on to more Crankoppotamuses (god, I am horrible at spelling made-up words) (and kinda bad at the real ones at times too, but ssshhhh, don't let on you realize, 'k?) (oh, this word is brought to you by the lovely Gwen)

Remind me never to compliment anyone else ever again in my life! Or if I do, completely go over the top on the extreme perfection I found, NEVER hint that even if I thought it was sublimely grand that I found a bit of humanistic fault in it. And HELL, NEVER, EVER, EVER DEEM TO DO SUCH UNCIVILIZED THINGS AS THIS IN A PRIVATE FUCKING DIARY. Sheesh.

Everyone go read my guestbook please. I saw this today and I'm like WTF??? Jeezus, Mary and FUCKING Joseph!!!! What bug flew up her butt at 3:58am last night??? Christ on a stick.

IT WAS A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. So I could have gushed for hours on how ingenous I found your fucking site. But instead I just linked it and then went on to point out why I thought it wasn't PERFECT. Sorry I caught onto the fact that you're human and fallable. Why fuck with me over pointing it out? You think I linked to you to point out that I hate you? No. I linked that I found you grand and wanted everyone to see it was lovely, and maybe someone with a PC would say but see, see how lovely it is when it's viewed on a proper computer? You should really find a way to view it on a PC. But no one said it, and I forgot to try, because I HAD A FUCKING LIFE TO MOVE ON WITH.

So, obviously she's pissed because I didn't write a 10 page spread on how much I adore her. Fuck me. But she has to go and diss the other people I link, plus my own site, as unoriginal. Holy fucking shit. She rages that I should "get a style of my own", because taking an image and changing it slightly seems to be the root of all evil, because she's so brilliantly talented with her hands. Holy Fuck. I didn't know. Someone call the fucking style police. Did you know that there was a law that states that only ORIGINAL ARTISTS CAN HAVE WEBSITES??? Really, truly, I didn't know that. I will get straight on to pulling out my pens and pad and drawing a stick figure and slapping that up there, because obviously creating something myself, however hideous, is so much better than finding an image I find inspiring and serene to great me as a nice hello when I go to check on my words.

Because I all know that's what you guys come here for. Is my original fucking artwork. JEEZUS, you guys would leave me entirely if I slapped up an original piece of art to complement my writing. I adore Jia's work, and wanted to show the world how brilliant she is, and put a link to her site, knowing full well she could follow the links back and legally ask me to remove her image. Which I would in a heart beat. But she hasn't. And I hope she doesn't. Because I sincerely do it to flatter her, to get everyone hot about her stuff, and to make my page look like home, a reflection of me.

Obviously guestbook chickie plans on designing her own home, painting her own walls, designing her own furniture, pets, and mate, because only something created BY HER will ever prove that she is truly original. And it's originality that counts over style or beauty or love or truth or... oh, damn, fuck, I'm sounding like Moulin Rouge (sorry, caught it for the 6th time a few nights ago...)

And what's this demand that I not browse other sites for ideas? How does one get ideas, anyway? Would I have ever started my domain had I not surfed girlie sites for 3 months non-stop prior to starting my own? Would I have started this diary if I hadn't seen others? Would I have thought to pretty it up if I hadn't seen other people's purtied up diaries? How does one get ideas, by opening ones eyes to what's out there and getting a spark of inspiration. I didn't go looking for anything to inspire me. I was just looking around the net like any other normal person, but because I had been contemplating changing my layout for god-knows how long, it was on my mind that her site and some other sites I had been to on the same day were all so wonderful, that maybe I should get off my ass & do something too? I mean, do any of my past layouts look like anyones? Does this one look like anyone's? No, especially not hers.

Anyway, this person that I thought was so lovely that I wanted you all to experience got her note to me cut off, dammit. It ends "You're clearly o".

Huh. I hope she was going to go on with that 10 page spread of inflating my ego and saying how "orgasmically talented in your writing, so I complete forgive your lack of original style. Please feel free to link me in the future, send me kisses, kiss my twat occassionally, and send me any cookies you may finding laying around, coz I could use a good chocolate fix right now. So glad you linked me and I find your UBER-hip diary so now we can be NET BUDDIES. tehehe. :)"

Yah, fucking right.

So much for finding beauty in the world. I swear, there's beauty in everything, evidenced by this lovely girl's talent and the fact that she adores the word fuck. A woman after my own heart. But just like me, I suspect it's hard to spend too much time with her sometimes, coz she can really get on ones nerves with the whiney bitchy ranting about people she doesn't know.

Sheesh. People.

ps: just a note about me: I still have the plague. Ick. I stayed up until 5am scratching and itching and balling my eyes out over the truth in this lovely book. I'm still listening non-stop to my little 2-song downloaded playlist by Drowning Hazel, who is truly divine. And I'm currently hugging my cat and worrying that I will look like a cesspit when we fly to LV next week. Because this damn shit isn't going away, and it still itches like hell and it's amazingly hard not to scratch at. And husband paid my tuition today and I'm freaked that I'm making a horrible mistake and then he said the same thing my shrink said: if it's not right, you can try something next quarter. Isn't he just fucking lovely? And we had sex yesterday. Despite me feeling completely hideous and like my skin should be ripped off and just started out with fresh. And it was pretty fucking yummie, but a little slower than normal, coz I just feel so fragile in this state.

Life is good. I'm gonna go smooch my man.

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