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#286 - boy, can i ramble...
07/23/2002 @ 1:19 pm

Today's fear is brought to you by the letter "O". Well, I don't have an "O" word, but I just wanted to say that. Because it's ridiculous. Each day, a new way to fear. Today's fear is of something new. Was thinking about how I thought it was Wednesday, but it's only Tuesday. Wished it was Wednesday, because that would mean we're that much closer to the weekend. But the more weekends that come & go, the closer it is to school, to finding a daycare job. To my world changing. Eek. I'm not good with new things. I may not be perfectly happy with the status quo, but it's done me well enough for me to be afraid of losing it.

Must. Not. Hyper. Ventilate.

Argh.

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.

Yah, whatever.

Shrink-lady was very understanding last night. We talked the entire time about my fears of college and the future. Of me making the wrong decision. That maybe it was silly of me to make a mess of small excuses turn into one giant excuse to keep me away from psychology. We talked about my feelings that I'm putting all my money on this one experiment, literally & symbolicly(?sp). She kept assuring me that I couldn't fail. That this is an experiment, to try it out, and so any conclusion would not be failure. If I don't like it and don't finish, it's just a learning experience.

I will try to keep that in mind. Must. Not. Hyper. Ventilate.

I'm going to look into how to become a high school guidance counselor though. So I can check out the time table and requirements. Back up plan. Maybe not backup plan. Maybe change in the whole plan. Something to think about anyway. Must get information to actually think on it though.

*sigh* confusion. fear. trepidation. eek.

~ * ~

have i mentioned lately that i hate allergies? arrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh. my sinuses are on fire. erg. blfh. feels like i might sneeze in about 10 minutes at this rate. a sneeze that takes 10 minutes to appear. i *hate* my body. satan should listen up: hell could be the sneeze that never comes, no matter what. ewwww. indescribable, despicable evil, that!!!

~ * ~

Saw "Best In Show" this weekend on cable. That silly dog show movie. What an odd film. But I watched it all, which surprised me. Catherine O'Hara is probably the funniest actress ever. First saw her in Beetlejuice, and she is always amazing. I don't really have anything else to say about this, I just thought everyone should know that Ms. O'Hara is an overlooked actress. So there. Oh, and I hate Parker Posey. Hate hate hate. Mostly because I think she's ugly. I don't know what it is. I think someone hit her with the ugly stick when she was born or something. I look at her and want to grit my teeth, except that would hurt just as much as looking at her, so I try to look away. I don't know what it is. She's not hideous. There's just something so obnoxiously annoying and ugly about her that I can't put my finger on. Ick. Make her go away. PLEASE.

~ * ~

Does anyone else out there have a pet that they're really attached to? Husband's family dog got loose July 3rd and they just got her back on Sunday. We had all quietly come to the conclusion that she wouldn't be back, so we were so shocked when the phone call came that she'd been turned into the humane society.

While she was gone, I thought alot about our cat. I love him so much. Even though he drives us crazy. If we were picking out cats, we never would have chosen him. But he chose us, and we've stuck by him. He's our baby. I've heard people question other's loyalty to their pets. If you had to choose who to save, your dog or a stranger, who would you pick. If you choose your dog, you're evil because human's are more important than animals. I think that's crap. I don't believe there's a heirarchy where humans are on top. And I love my cat. I would do anything for him. One day when he ran away, I called in sick and called husband sobbing, begging him to come home and help me look for the stupid cat. Of course, when we found him, I felt like a moron for calling in sick and dragging husband from work. But I couldn't do anything but look for him. If your child disappeared, you certainly wouldn't go to work and wait until that night to look for him or her. I feel the same way about my cat. If only he could live forever. True, he would eventually drive us insane. But I love him. What can I say?

Sorry to anyone out there with kids who doesn't like me comparing my cat to their kids. Maybe I'll feel differently when I have a baby. I hope not. My kitty is a good kitty. He deserves all the lovin' we can pile on him, despite my desire to throttle him at times. Kinda like Bart & Homer. But Homer would do anything to save that dumb ass Bart if he was in trouble. So if I find myself in a burning building with your kids and my cat, I'll save your kids. But I'll pick up my cat first if he's next to me. Whoever's closest gets saved first.

~ * ~

Crap. I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired. Husband slammed an elbow into me at 8:15 this morning, 45 minutes before I'm supposed to get up, interrupting any further attempts at REM sleep. Bah. Maybe this is why I can't remember any dreams from last night. I remember that for once HE needs to clean his ears out. Asked him 4 or 5 times why he banged into me with his elbow, and each time, he said, "What?" Argh.

He's always complaining that I don't hear him properly. Then he accuses me of mumbling. Who's the mumbler if I'm the one having problems hearing him?

Oh. I've been talking alot in my sleep lately, according to hubby. Just thought you'd all like to know that.

This is such a stupid entry. But I'm really damn bored. And tired. I want my bed. *sigh*

Speaking of stupid and cats: my cat ate more baby's breath last night. Maybe I should have beat him? Woke up this morning, sat down in front of my computer with my bowl of cereal as usual, and noticed a nice clean break where the nearest bundles of baby's breath should be surrounding my rose. Fucking cat. One of the best songs ever is "Kitty" by The Presidents of The United States of America. My husband and I about lost it the first time we heard that song. Mostly, because we meow along to songs so often.

Um, I didn't just admit to that. sssshhhhhhhhh....

My sunburn is peeling.

I think I should really be sleeping right now.

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