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#287 - erotic dreams
07/24/02 @ 8:17 pm

Last night I fell sleep horny. I went to bed alone after reading part of my favorite romance novel. Husband was on the phone working. He comes to bed 10 minutes later, very stressed out, and says he doesn't know how he's going to sleep. I offer that we could have sex, to relax him. He says he's so stressed, he doesn't think he could get it up. I lay there. I take off my shirt in the dark. I'm so damn hot. In all senses. I get up and massage his back, thinking at the very least it might distract and relax him, at best get him interested in my body once he realizes I'm almost naked.

Nope. I fall asleep. And dream. I don't remember much. But I remember one erotic bit. It was about my gaypal. I used to have a MAJOR thing for him, before I found out he was gay. I don't remember much about this dream. I just remember I kissed him, or he kissed me, and this was ok. Kissing a friend was ok. But what my lips were on his, I realized I was still attracted to him, and maybe this wasn't the best course of action. Then he kissed me again, and his mouth was partially open, and his tongue tickled my lips. Goosebumps shot down from my neck all the way to my cunt. I kissed him back, met his tongue. I wondered if I should be doing this. I wondered if he was even attracted to me. He kissed me like he was. It was thrilling.

But that's all I remember.

I've been having erotic dreams lately, and all about people I shouldn't dream about. I was at the video store last night, and seeing the employee's Legolas (Lord of the Rings) pin, I remembered that I *had* dreamed the night before. Not about Legolas. Well, maybe. But it was about that guy. My ex-coworker. The one who I dreamed about so often that I fell in love with dream. And became obsessed with the dream and how to make it reality.

Yah, him. I dreamed about him. I don't remember anything. Just a vague image of his face and hair and the fact that he was wearing loose khaki trousers. He had the most beautiful hair, sort of like Legolas. Except more red. And a little wavey at the ends. And then he cut it all off right before leaving Seattle.

Then there's the most disturbing dream. It was so erotic when I had it though. It was either this weekend or sometime last week. The erotic bit was very short. I was in a large room that might have been a cafeteria, because I was sitting at a school-cafeteria table. Those things that the seats fold down & up, depending if you're sitting or cleaning underneath? There were lots of people around doing various things.

I remember I was half paying attention to a television, and to a man sitting next to me. He had been giving me a tour of a complex or something, and was wrapping up his spiel. When he was done, I said thanks, but I had to go. He asked me not to. In fact, he sounded a little like he was begging, a little whiney. I gave him a friendly laugh and said I had to. I got up to leave and he followed me.

I went to leave the room through a glass sliding door, but had to push aside the blinds to get to it. While I was, I got kind of lost in the blinds, like they'd turned into a gigantic stage curtain or something. The man had followed me. He was right behind me. I felt him hand on my buttock, and then I was out the door and outside.

I turned around to watch him emerge, and really looked at him for the first time. He looked right at me with these intense dark eyes, coming right up into my personal space. He had dark curly or wavey hair. He looked so familiar, like he was an actor or something. He was looking right into my eyes, so intense.

I finally said, "But my husband is your boss."

His expression became slightly amused, as he said something in agreement, and stepped marginally closer to me. He reached out to touch my arms, and I got that feeling. That thrilling, goosebump causing feeling that you get when you know you're going to kiss someone for the first time.

And then I woke up.

It was so erotic though. So much so that the next night as I lay in bed, I conjured it up, and tried to play it out. He had been so intense, the only way it could have ended up was with lots of animal fucking. So that's what I imagined in my head. Which was great. Until it was over. Then the imagined me got so uncomfortable, so freaked out by what had happened, that the real me got nauseaus. I imaged hitting him when he came onto me. Pushing him away. Yelling at him. Anything to not make me feel so nauseaus. To not have betrayed my husband. I gave up and tried to put it out of my mind.

I didn't feel horny anymore.

Why do I do this? I know that dreams are natural, that dreaming of other people is normal, but I can't even do that right. I have to get too involved, one way or another.

You know that kid from the Simpsons? One of the ones who likes to beat up Bart? He just rode up to me on his bike and said, "Ha Ha!" I hate that kid.

~ * ~

I watched Amelie for the first time last night. French movies are strange. I didn't find it amusing enough in the beginning, so I thought I wouldn't like it, despite its whimsy. But in the end, I found it very engaging. It was quite amusing, actually. And everything was very unexpected. I was quite happy I watched it, despite initially thinking I had made a mistake.

That is my shortest movie review ever. And I liked the film. Huh.

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