archive
guestbook
slambook
profile
linkers
cast
rings
notes
image
Design
dland
link me
strawburygrl feels
strawburygrl feels
I hate spiders. And scorpions look too much like them, so I don't like them either (plus crabs are pretty creepy for the same reason). Centipedes are bad because one fell on me from a tree and stung me once. Other than that, bugs don't bother me. Grew up with cockroaches & ants everywhere. Beetles, potatoe bugs, bees, wasps. (ok, wasps are a little scarey, with that whole stinging thing, but that's not the point). The point is, worms and creepy crawlies are just fine with me. Except Silverfish. ::shiver:: And I just realized why, despite only seeing them for the first time last year, they look eerily familiar and give me the creeps. Because they look so very much like the thing that Neo was "bugged" with in The Matrix. ::shivers more:: Ewwwwwww...
=*=
There is so much about the human body that we still don't know about. I don't know why, but this just popped into my head. Remember Ghostbusters? In the first scene where they're looking for a ghost in the library, Ray(?) says to them something like, "Sssshhhhhhh. Quiet. Do you smell something?" I laughed & laughed at that. Until my mom told me she can be that way sometimes. Sometimes she needs quiet to smell properly. Isn't that weird???? I can see how it's possible though, signals getting mixed up/lost in our brains. Did you know that bright lights make some people sneeze? I've read it in 2 different science magazines now. When Sweetie's father found this out, he forced all of us to read it, then quizzed everyone. Seems this genetic oddity bypassed the family unit.
That's why I was thinking about it. I was wondering about my fucking migraine. Why I can sit here and be fine, but as soon as I move, I feel like I'm going to die because a vice just clamped over my brain. Made me wonder if my brain was swollen, & knocking about in my head. Made me recall that generally swollen brains are BAD. Led to me thinking about swollen blood vessels, which I think they blame migraines on. But doesn't swollen blood vessels in your nasal area cause you to sneeze? Wonder if that's why lights & sounds can hurt when you have a migraine, and if smells usually do as well. I know it can for me, but I've never heard of it before. Anyway, just weird, weird stuff, when our body does certain things. Don't you think?
=*=
I wrote out that story thing. I think it's ok. I don't like the style I wrote in though. Very much like this journalling style, where I just go on & on listing points, but there are no characters, no dialogue, so the plot is just blurted out. I did that once for my writing group in college, to get the background of a new world I'd created onto the paper so I could get on with the characters & the story. To this day, I hate that part of the story. It's like diarhea of the mouth or something. Just: bloop, here ya go. Hope you like that. Keep reading! I know it's long, but I think it's worth it! Yah, right. I know everyone's going *yawn*. sigh.
=*=
Remember that phrase, "She's all that and a bag o' chips?" Where the hell did that come from? Reminds me of "In Living Color" and those gay film critics and their snaps. Anyway, someone posted in the Forum I visit, "You can't be all that and a bucket of cream soda." Isn't that hilarious? I think so. Gawd, where the fuck does that quote come from???
=*=
mmrrrrrrffffff... headache. owwie. ouie? isn't that french??? oui? OUCH. Ever notice the English language looks fucking WEIRD sometimes??? Ever watch Eddie Izzard perform? He's a comedian. One word: through. Weirdest fucking word in the English language, right there. "Now just a minute! That's just trying to cheat at Scrabble, that is!"
ow ow ow ow ow ::sob::
~ * ~
I wonder what happened to me to make me so bad with friendships. Because I'm seriously thinking that it's my fault now. I used to think that it was *their* fault plus bad circumstances. I mean, my last 2 important friendships ended because THEY were shits to me. I've always known that it's hard for me to make friends, so that's my fault. But, I'm starting to wonder about my ability to keep them. I want so desperately to have a best friend again. I just can't explain it, how my husband is amazing and wonderful and my best friend, but I want a GIRL best friend. I thought JP & I were moving that way, and especially when we lived in the same building, it looked like that was going to happen. But ever since she moved, it's so hard for either of us to find stuff to do together. But it's when she does call that I start to question myself. Because sometimes I wonder if I even like her!
I mean, lately, I've just been ridiculously paranoid where it comes to my husband. And I'm starting to resent his relationship with JP all over again! It was fine when the 3 or 4 of us did stuff together all the time together. Or when me & her went swimming every week. But now that I don't see her regularly and he does (they jog once a week together), I'm starting to get antsy. I wanted to stab a fork in my eye Saturday night. I spent all day Saturday feeling really weird around the 2 of them. By the time dinner was over & we were headed to the movie, I wasn't, but by then I was feeling really guilty for my silliness.
Anyway, it's frustrating. Because she's basically my only friend. Galpal & Gaypal were really great, then we stopped doing things as a trio, and stuff fell apart. I just don't feel interesting enough to just be with him without her. It's like I don't know how to hold up my end of a conversation or something without someone who's amazingly talkative in the room. So Gaypal isn't talkative enough to cover up the fact that I'm so fucking shy & reserved. ARGH!!!
So internet friends. Y'know, that's how I met R. I was feeling withdrawn from the world. Wanted to meet people, remembered when I was on BBSes & met people & talked to lots of people. BAM! First day online, met R. Well, I know better now. I try to avoid men online. And don't talk too much with any girl who identifies right off that they're Gay or Bi.
So the Forum has been nice. But I met this girl via Neopets. We're the same age and she lives in North Dakota or Nebraska, can't remember which. I think she's great. And for once, she seems to think I'm great. Weird. I like her alot. I hope we stay friends. Internet can be easy to keep in touch, but it's also difficult too. There's no physical motivation to talk to them if there's not a new email sitting in your inbox, y'know?
I think I'm just really socially inept. And I question what I'm doing all the time. I stress over almost every email I send to people. Like this girl, JP's maid of honor. I really liked her. The 3 of us did lots of stuff together when the wedding was being planned. Me & Sweetie babysat her cat on 2 separate occassions. After the wedding, I hadn't heard from her for about 2 weeks, so I emailed her. And stressed & stressed over the wording. So I told myself to stop stressing and just write what I meant. So I did. I signed off "I miss you." Blah. I think she took it wrong. I've never heard from her again. Grr. So we're not sisters or best buddies, but saying "I Miss You" doesn't mean I'm aching for your body, y'know? I can only assume that's what she thought though. *sigh* Grr
Then there was this stupid dork on Diaryland. Bah. I thought we really hit it off. We were bouncing emails back & forth one day, when *he* brought up IM each other. I was nervous, because I had just broke off things with R. But I responded that I had these 2 or 3 different IM programs, and why doesn't he pick one. He did, we talked for about 2 minutes, then I had to go. And I never heard from him again! No more posts in my guestbook. No more emails. And the rare time I logged on to my IM program, he would be logged on & immediately log off! Isn't that WEIRD??? So I never said anything to him. Especially after one or 2 emails about contents of his diary went unanswered. Then I got bitter and teary eyed and pissy. But never told him. And now he doesn't even have a diary anymore. But I can't help but wonder what the fuck happened. At the time, I thought maybe he thought I was "stalking" him. Don't remember why I came to that conclusion, but I did. Are boys dorks? Maybe
So not only do I stress too much about what I say, but when I don't I get in trouble too. BAH!!! Grr. What's so hard about just being nice to each other? Courteous? Hmm???
Speaking of the non-courteous. That dumb chick that runs the forum is so WHACK. Her & her friends are always moaning that the people that go there are mean to them. But then they're mean to US. Never been mean to any of them EVER, and they're mean to me!!! Then I go to Palace Chat and the ring-leader is there and NICE TO ME. How weird is that??? Talked to my Neopets friend about it, and turns out the exact same people who were nice to me last night were mean to her the night before!!! People are just weird on the internet. Bah.
Headache's better, oddly enough. 2 excederin + 2 advil has been working well lately. Cool beans. Should really work some more then. Ciao.
~ * ~
I know that my spelling and memory have been getting worse and worse as I turn into an old, decrepid (?sp) woman, but SHEESH it's been bad today! Just spelled renewal as "renual". Immediately noticed what a dumb fuck I was, but STILL! Been doing this ALL DAY! Just making up weird spellings!!! Think maybe there's a shot for this? Hubby thinks I need to start taking one of those memory suppliments. Bah!
I will sign off with 2 links for you:
Gwen has decided to make Diaryland templates for all. Go here.
Then there's the miracle. Remember mysexlife.diaryland.com??? I sure do! I discovered it about a month afer her last post, and joined her mailing list. A few months after that, she took the site offline because she was afraid somehow someone would trace it to her or something and mess up her life. Well, yesterday or the day before, I got an email from her coz I never unsubscribed to her mailing list. Guess what? She's BACK!!! Isn't that amazing! She might not be to everyone's taste, coz that girl likes her bondage (NOB knows she's left me feeling kinda grimey once or twice), but she is AMAZING. Everyone should read her at least once. Haven't checked out the new site yet, but I'm sure it's FAB! Here ya go: lilliness.diaryland.com.
