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#280 - long overdue update
07/15/02 @ 5:08 pm

anxious. nervous. scared. incredulous. excited. terrified.

I just registered for classes. I am officially enrolled to begin my new degree this Fall Quarter. Petrified. Doubtful. Panicky. Giddy.

I am going for the AAS degree in Early Childhood Education (pre-school). I'm getting more and more afraid that I've made a dumb decision, that I won't be able to do this. Kids intimidate me. The younger, the more intimidating. About a month ago we spent a few hours with friends, their new baby, & JP. I told myself that the reason I acted so reserved was because of the way my husband and JP acted together with the child, they looked like the perfect family unit, and I was upset about that. But Saturday we were at a picnic and I didn't say one word to the kid that JP immediately befriended. Blah. Maybe I'm just intimidated by JP's natural ability. Maybe.

I have a little over 2 months to find a job. I'm going to try really hard to keep this one, and the hours I'm currently working. But I need to be working at a preschool 3 days a week, 2.5 hours a day in order to stay in the program. There is exactly ONE way to fit in 25 hours here at my current job, keep the schedule that my advisor assigned to me, and work at least 2.5 hours for 3 days a week. It's going to be tough. It requires me finding a daycare that opens by 8am and will let me leave at 10:30. I assume that daycares open early, because of the nature of daycare. But what will they think of me only being able to give them 2.5 hours a day, only 3 days a week? And how the fuck am I going to survive being at work by 8 am 3 days a week, plus classes till 9:30pm twice a week? Ack.

Don't panic. Just breathe. ahhhhhh.

My husband had his 10 year reunion this weekend. How bizarre. 10 years. Friday was the dress-up event, way overpriced. None of the people I wanted to find out about showed up. I was sure that boot-camp-FUCKER had married that twit he dropped me for, but she wasn't there. The stupid book we got with submissions from classmates didn't list any personal info about her, just an email address. Yah, I can see that one: "Greetings, Arch-Nemesis. Did you ever marry Satan? I was just curious..."

Maybe he's dead. Maybe he's in a psych ward where he belongs. Maybe. One can only hope.

Barely recognized anyone there. Remembered that I didn't know many people in my Sweetie's graduating class, having graduated a year before him. There was this girl, who was class president or something, who I always thought was a twit, based on (I swear) comments from my Sweetie & his friends (I never had any dealings with her), who was just beautiful. Bizarre that it was the same person. She was a ditzy cheerleader. Now she's married to a handsome man, has 2 kids, a tan, and looks exactly her age. And she looks damn good. And adult. Too many people our age don't look it. She does. And she just glows. Incredible.

Then there was this other guy. I barely had any dealings with him. I always thought he was really shy. Sweetie & JP disagreed, but then again they were with him for his Senior year & I wasn't. I think I've mentioned here that most guys my age are "guys". It's hard for me to see or think of them as "Men". Like my husband. It's hard for me to think of him as a Man. Probably because I still feel like an 18-year-old girl and he's my high-school Sweetheart. This guy looked like a man. And it made him very attractive, despite being completely not my type. In the Air Force, he's maybe an inch or 2 taller than me, completely thin and wirey. But now he is "ripped". Totally and completely ripped. Weird combination. But it totally suits him. And the way he talked and gestured and smiled, you could tell that he was completely comfortable with himself and his life. JP said the next day what I had been thinking: he looked more comfortable in his own skin. It's hard to do. Most people have some sort of inferiority-complex about something in themselves. This guy didn't look like he had any problems, any faults, any doubts.

And he looked totally sexy because of it. Very, very odd.

So Saturday was the reunion picnic. And I got way fucking toasted, and I don't know HOW! I was in the shade about 95% of the time. Maybe spent 20 minutes TOTAL over 3+ hours in the sun. Kept running back to the shade because I was hot. And over dinner with Sweetie & JP, we were remarking on how both of them had gotten a little burnt, and I wasn't. Then we went to a movie. And as we were walking out, they both exclaimed at how badly burnt my back & shoulder area looked (I'd worn a peasant top that revealed a little shoulder, back, chest area). As soon as they said it, it started to hurt. I went home, looked in the mirror, and I'd gone to looking a little pink in the face at 6pm, to looking like Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer at 9pm, complete with bright, lobster-red ring-around-the-collar. Argh. And it HURTS. Still. Layer after layer of Aloe & Solarcane Saturday night, all day Sunday, and this morning. And it looks like it's fading. And it still hurts like a BITCH. I feel like a wimp, coz it doesn't look that bad anymore, but my shoulders MOTHER FUCKING HURT. Argh.

meanwhile... I have become nearly obsessive in my love of anime, posting at a Forum run by the woman I don't like, and working on my guild at Neopets, where I run the guild's anime gallery. I now have like 4 sites under my belt. Eek! So, yah, I spend too much money on Anime related items. Translated Manga, toys, trading cards, etc. I spend hours a day reading & posting in the Forum. I have scanned every piece of anime I own to put it into my anime gallery for my guild. I have over 700,000 neopoints. Yes, it's official, I am a fucking geek.

Wow. Fuck. It's so nice to say that word again. Getting a little tired of watching my mouth around the preteens that form most of the population of the Forum I visit. Maybe I should find an adult forum, but there's something about this one that I really like. Probably just its cuteness factor. Plus, everyone there thinks I'm really smart now that we're allowed to debate serious topics. I think this is merely because I have 10+ years on these people, during which I have streamlined my opinions and gained extra evidence that they don't have to back up said opinions. I like being called smart though! hehe

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