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strawburygrl feels
strawburygrl feels
I can't remember the last time I had this many good days in a row. Life has been pretty good since my last post. Went to that party after the sex, and it was nice to be social. The next day, I cut my hair. Short. I went in with a REALLY short hair pic, but she said that my hair type wouldn't work like the way the chick's hair in the pic worked. BLARGH! I hate it when they argue with you and try to change your mind. But she was really cool, and worked with me on different ideas, until finally we found something that would work, and I must say I really like it. I still wish it was shorter though. But I finally got what I've been wanting for years - no hair on the back of my neck!!! That just makes me so freakin' HOT all the time. Now I can't keep from playing with my short, 1/2 inch long hair at the back of my head. It's maybe 3 inches long at the top of the back of my head, and below that is cropped 1/2 inch with a electric trimmer. Then, the longish hair takes an angle to get longer and longer the closer it comes to my face, roughly chin lenth to frame my face. It's almost a style I designed for myself about 2 years ago, so I'm quite pleased. Except I think the angle should be more steep. I forgot I didn't want anything behind my ears to fall below the line created by the top of my ears. Bah. But it works so well! I can't remember the last time I got so many compliments on my hair!!!!! Even the kids at school really liked it, and they're a bunch of brats! ;) What's weird is, no one's commented that I dyed my hair light auburn again - they all comment on how short it is!
Anyhow, life has been pretty groovy on other fronts as well. I wrote in here many, many moons ago about a "perfect sensory memory" I have of Fall. Leaves & pumpkins & woodsmoke on the wind. Well, Life put something amazing together the other day, and now I have a 2nd Perfect Sensory Memory!
I had the most amazing day at the after school program. Not by choice, I got stuck with the obnoxious boys in the cooking class. And through my perserverance(?sp) & sense of command(!), I whipped those boys into shape! We were the only ones to complete the recipe early!!! It was suggested that we could start another recipe, or go outside. The boys voted for outside. All the other adults looked at me in awe for what I had accomplished, and 2 of them thanked me for "taking care of them". These kids are normally horrid! So on the way outside, one of the boys held the door open for everyone, and he said to me, "Thanks for helping us." Wow! None of the kids has ever thanked me! So I told him he was welcome, and thank you for saying thank you! Then I learned all their names.
Then came the sensory memory. A perfect moment in time, frozen. I was in the shade under the basketball court overhang, and leaning against a pillar to look out at the sunny day. And those fluffy things were floating everywhere. Like snow. Like the down of little baby duckies. I saw them way off in the distance even, floating over the trees. A cool breeze played against my face. Some oldies song was piped in over the intercom system. It sounded kind of tin-y, just like in "Stand By Me", when they're listening to oldies on their little radios. There was chocolate on my lips from the snack we had made, and my mouth tasted like chocolate-peanut butter. I couldn't help but smiling. And overall, under it all, throughout the experience, was this amazing sense of accomplishment and peace. I had done something good. I had done it well. I had made good decisions to lead me here. All was right with the world. Gaia is good and precious and all around us.
Hallelujah.
Sometimes, sometimes Sweetie looks lustful. Usually it's not even that, and just "naughty", which could mean he's going to tickle me or attack me or fondle me, take your pick, coz I can't tell. But sometimes, rarely, it does look obviously like lust. But I've never seen anyone look the way that Tom Cruise looked at Penelope in some of those scenese.
Oddly enough, Far and Away was on TV the next day. I *love* that movie. The scene where Tom & Nicole "pretend" to be married is so romantic. But it wasn't there. Tom looked infatuated, but that blissful wonderment just wasn't there. And that movie is alot of the reason why I hate Tom for dumping Nicole and why I hate Penelope for "stealing" him. Hmm.
Women, however, are much better at displaying this emotion. Lili Taylor in "Say Anything" does a great job, but she's she's got equal parts torture & love in her face. But Renee Zellweger is FASCINATING to watch in a film. Ever seen "The Whole Wide World"? Don't. It's boring as FUCK. But Vincent D'Inofrio(???sp) is his now-standard demented self. And Renee will blow your mind in the scene where they kiss for the first time on top of a cliff. She has very pouty, kissable lips. Yummie. Plus, in this film she has deep auburn hair and so her lipstick is a dark, totally edible shade of red. Yum, yum: snacktime!! I could feast on her face in that movie. God, that just sounded gross. I need to stop with the food metaphors. Ick.
Anywayz, last Friday, after the movie, I attacked my husband to finally get it on after threatening to do it all week. And then I started crying. Everything was so perfect, so wonderful. The feeling in my head of love, of perfect happiness, and the feeling of him against my hands and lips as we kissed. It was blissful magic. So I started crying. Just like 2 years ago when we got back from Hawaii, and I cried at the drop of a hat because I was so happy. I cried at the fucking Christmas tree-lighting ceremony in Westlake Park in the middle of 15k people, for chrissakes!!!
Except, this time, my mind was influenced by the movie. And I started to freak out that one day, I will only have him in my arms as a memory. And every time I have the memory, I will cry, because I was so happy, and then it was all ripped away. And of course, because I'm paranoid & obsessive, this meant that that day would probably happen, like, TOMORROW. Dammit. I started blubbering everywhere. And so he held me, and tried to calm me down. But everytime we started to kiss again, I would get those visions in my head of him being gone & this is only a memory, and I would be crying again. SHEESH!!! In one way, it was hell. Because I really wanted him before all the crying. And it was embarrassing to be so fucked up over such idiocy. But in a way it was a testament to how happy I am with him, so I was kinda glad. Glad that I can experience Bliss with my husband again. ::heavy sigh::
What else? Well, the same couple who threw the party we went to 2 weekends ago invited us over again. I feel so special! They really wanted to talk to Hubby about work & school advice. Actually, he wanted to ask hubby about going back to school, and hubby wanted to ask them about working for their company.
Hubby has been having a trying time at work, deciding what he wants to do. The company is about done. So he's been on this precipice, wondering which way to turn. Finally, he has decided to stick it out with the CEO and just reform the company under a new name. I really wanted him to do something new, something that would make him happier, because he hasn't been happy at work in quite awhile. But on the other hand, I am so pleased that we can stop worrying about money.
In fact, Sweetie says he is now ready to use his savings to pay off my credit card debt. So we can seriously start saving for a house now! Wee-haw! I can't wait. I still want to be in a place by Christmas, but I don't think that's possible. He's only given his promise to stick with this new company for 6 months. Maybe that's enough time to buy a house & be settled, but I don't think so. *sigh* Oh well. At least there will be some calm for awhile!
Other than that, I've been mostly as addicted as ever to the internet. But I'm seriously trying to curb my usage at work to just during lunch. Pesky internet!!! Grr. I am totally addicted to cute little things for my website, like blinkies, so I've joined a discussion Forum about it, and spend lots of time there posting messages and reading other people's posts, and occassionally entering contests. Oh, and every once in awhile actually working on my site. Hehe!!
I cannot think of much more. I am trying to find a volunteer program for this summer. Tomorrow is the last day of the program I'm currently doing. Supposedly there is a summer school program, but I have not been very successful in tracking down info on that. So I inquired about another program, and should get some info in snailmail about that today.
I need to contact the school and go in and meet a counselor so I can apply for the Fall. Sweetie has given a green lite on that! Yay!!!!!
I need to call my dentist and make an appointment for cleaning & find out about having my molars removed. Boooooo! I am wearing a sports mouth guard to bed most nights, and taking my claritin every day, and still I get migraines. >.< So it's either my molars, or run-of-the-mill migraines with no cause. Or a brain tumor. Itz not a two-mah! That was my Arnold Schwarzennegar(?????sp) impression. Impressed? Naw, didn't think so. I just doesn't come across properly over the net. ::dramatic sigh::
ok. Time to abandon this evil net & get some work done again. Love to all!
ps: oooooo! i had a double-orgasm last night! hehe
