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#268 - donnie darko is cool
04/08/02 @ 2:46 pm

What a strange day. Proof that I'm not like the others. Instead of feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world after a lovely weekend, I want nothing more than to crawl into the dark den that is my apartment and surf the web with the lights out like a mole person. I'm tired of asking what the hell is wrong with me. I never get an answer...

First up, it was a lovely weekend. I watched weird movies. I am obsessed with "Donnie Darko". Go rent that movie. On DVD. NOW. That is a command from on high. Fascinating movie. Strange. Weird. Deep. Dark. Beautifully shot. And the guy who plays Donnie, Jake Somethingreallylongandhardtopronounce, he was fucking brilliant. Goosebumps. Really. Husband & I watched it Saturday night, then while he was at work on Sunday I watched almost every single DVD extra, including the commentary version with Jake & the writer/director. Wow. I wish I could write like that. Where everything is intricately connected and there's foreshadowing and symbolism everywhere. Amazing, amazing film.

Then Sunday evening we watched "Training Day". I did not want to see it, but I told myself I should, because Denzel is amazing and Ethan is yummie, & Denzel won the Oscar. Bah. I wish I had not watched it. I have to shelf it with all of my other memories of war movies now: in the section of my brain that I try to gray out because I can't survive if I dwell on the shit that humanity is capable. I hate war movies, & I hate this movie. Grr. Denzel was brilliant & I was left wondering why Ethan was up as Best Supporting Actor, because it was a lead role. But it was still a fucked up movie that I wish I had never watched. Fuckers.

I love my neices. They are so much fun and beautiful and it makes me so happy to be with them. Two weekends ago was Easter, and it was a great time. Despite my best intentions, though, my arrival reminded me too much of last Easter, making me cry. We drove around the Sound instead of taking a ferry, and my back was bad that day, and it was a horrible trip. I was in tears when we arrived at Sweetie's parents' house. It was late, so I was going to go downstairs and compose myself. Little did I know that the girls were still awake, waiting for us in the hot tub. I sneaked downstairs, laid down to stretch out my back, & let myself cry. It was that painful. And then Ashley walked in and asked me what was wrong. I was mortified.

Because last Easter we all went to the coast together, and I spent a great deal of time moping around the bedroom trying not to cry because R. wasn't talking to me.

I convinced Ashley I would be better soon, and she left, and I fully out started sobbing, thinking I had ruined the weekend already. What a horrible parent I would be, unable to contain myself in front of children. And what would my neices think of me if all of their memories of me are of me hiding in a bedroom crying. That's when Sweetie came in and rubbed my back until I felt better.

I felt silly crying like that later, but that's when I do when I cry. Any little insult or injury after that makes it so much worse. In fact, I usually dig them up to beat myself up with while I'm crying. Fascinating, eh?

But after that we had a great weekend with the girls. They are so wonderful. I love them to pieces. It was a very relaxing weekend. And then this last Friday we all went out to see Ice Age together. And we colored. I haven't colored in ages. But I was arriving separately at the house without my husband, and not knowing what I would do when I got there, I went to the store & got some coloring books & pens & crayons. I spent most of that day with a migraine, so I told the girls we were going to color quietly. It worked quite well, until right before dinner, when the girls were starting to get bored and I was so into coloring that I was kinda ignoring them. I kept talking to Stephanie about school though. It fascinates me that she's in the 6th grade. That was when I met the Heathers. Probably the best school year of my life, other than Senior year.

Anyway, hmm. Sorry this isn't a very linear entry. I am usually quite linear with them, telling everything in order. I just didn't feel like it this time. So there. Pbbbbbb.

Things on my mind: I really want to redo my layout. I know what image I want to use, I'm just having a hard time finding a suitable copy. May have to order a fucking post card from the artist to get a good copy that I can scan instead of stealing it off the web. Grr. Her work is brilliant though. So happy I stumbled across it.

Also on my mind is hackers. Fucking hackers. HATE hackers. Spent a lot of the past 2 weeks dealing with hackers on Neopets. fuckers. Now I am all paranoid that something will have to happen here. Wonder if my password is secure, etc. Told myself in the shower this morning that a hacker wouldn't really matter, because I have all my entries saved on my hard drive, so I could just upload everything to a new account if need be. But I really like the name Strawburygrl. It's a Siouxie Sioux song. She sings it like she's saying straw-burr-ee-gurl.

Anyway, this is just a silly little update to distract me from work, and maybe you guys won't worry about me. Not that it seems any of you are worried. Noone ever loves my guestbook anymore. ::forlorn sigh:: Not the GOOD people anyway. hehe I wonder who I just offended & who I just made feel guilty? hmmmm. SIGN IT!!!

PS: it's official. I am putting R. behind me. In case anyone was wondering(??), I decided not to send him a birthday greeting. It seemed very mean of me not to, but it seemed rather silly and STUPID of me to do it. I decided it was time to just move on, close that chapter completely, stop whining that "oh, we could've been such great friends..." Bah. Stupid me. He obviously put me behind him ages ago, and it's about time that I just shut up and did the same. So there.

PPS: grr. Bossman finally gave me a new computer so that I have something with firewire capabilities. Why? Coz Sweetie bought me an external Firewire 20gb HD for XMAS that I've been waiting these 3-4 months to be able to bring to work to listen to mp3s on. Why "Grr"? Because this fucker is running 8.6 instead of 9.1. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. One more day, just one more day. *sigh* Except we don't HAVE any extra copies of 9.0 laying around, so even when Bossman gets back from vacation tomorrow to give me permission to update, if he does it will be an ILLEGAL upgrade. BAH! fuck. Grr. Why does everything have to be so DIFFICULT???

PPPS: also watched Bridget Jones' Diary twice this weekend, coz it was on cable, and they repeat shit. That movie is funnier if it's been awhile since you've read the book, so you're not constantly comparing the two. "Love your tits in that top." Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!

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