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Want to hear my horoscope for today?
CAPRICORN
Any confusing problem can be cleared away now. Your activity level is high and your energies will promote positive results--all day long.
Wahahahahahahahaha! Grrrrrrr. I wish I could die. I wish I could carve up my on skin, if that would cause a distraction. Grr. I hate headaches. They are evil. I had a headache all last night, woke up and it was still there, but after I took a shower, it was gone, and I was chipper. Relieved, I guess, that I wouldn't have to call in sick (despite my pleas yesterday to be able to stay home). I come to work, get some menial tasks out of the way, and WHAM! Not an hour into my day: HEADACHE. I hate this body. Really, really.
It does not help that I seem to have developed a food aversion to pain relievers, dammit. What's a food aversion, you say? Well, I'm glad you asked! My favorite class in college Psychology was animal psychology. We learned all sorts of shit, like Fixed Action Patterns - my all-time favorite theory. Another is Food Aversion. Put something in an animal's food that makes it sick after eating, and it will develop a "Food Aversion" and forever (or for quite a long time) will avoid that food. However, PAIN does not cause aversion. Give the animal a good shock when they try to eat the food, and they'll try it again and again, not learning the lesson. I guess this is 'coz Food Aversion is something found in nature, to get animals to learn about foods that can poison them.
It shows up in cancer patients too. If they eat anytime close to having chemotherapy, they will quickly hate the food they ate. So doctors recommend that they eat some sort of candy they don't necessarily love, immediately preceeding chemotherapy, so they grow an aversion to Life Savers, instead of something they actually really enjoy. Isn't that fascinating? I think so.
Anyway, I've been noticing this complete reluctance on my part over the past few months to take pain relievers. I've always been kind of reluctant, because they don't always do anything. But since migraine's have become such a near-constant companion over the past 2-3 years, I know to take that shit early, just to head them off. Until recently. I tell myself it's early, go take the drugs. AND I DON'T. Isn't that weird? Some part of me would rather suffer & hope it goes away, then go into the other room and grab the advil or excederin. Even if it's close by. Weird, weird, weird. I can't remember ever getting sick off of them, at least not for a few years.
There was that time about 3 years ago where I overdosed on a combo of Tylenol and Advil when my menstrual cramps were horribly severe, and I still hate Tylenol because of it. But Advil's never bothered me until now. I think it might have something to do with the fact that fake-advil (aka: Costco ibuprofen) tastes kinda icky, as does Excederin.
Gosh, this is a ramble, huh? The point is, I finally took the shit, and it better kick in soon, or else I'm going to remove my brain with a spoon. DAMMIT. Fucker.
Ooooooo, you know what would be REALLY FUN? If I'm coming down with something. That would be FUN! It has occurred to me over the last week that I haven't had ONE cold during the course of this winter. No flu, nuthin'. WEIRD. I am SUCH a sickly person. The last 2 winters in a row, I have developed bronchitis because my coughing irritated my lungs so much. This year, nada. Granted, I usually get something nasty right near the beginning of Spring, so this would be a grand time to make up for not getting a winter cold, right? That would be just lovely, huh? I say this because, not only is my head VERY ANGRY at me right now when I move, but I also just started feeling nauseaus and light-headed. Stay tuned to this bat-channel for more details to follow! I just love my body! Yes I do! Bleck!!!!!!!!!! Barf. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
Later that day...
Could it be? Maybe I was just having a sugar crash and I didn't realize? After writing that last bit, I looked up and it was 12:30. Hmm, could I be hungry? Lessee... Yes, I about fell over when I realized my fucking bread had gone MOLDY and I had to find the strength to go out for food. It's really amazing how fast these things hit me. When I'm sitting down, I don't realize it, but once I get up and move around, I wish I hadn't. Drove the 4 blocks to get teriyaki (mmmmmmmm... Yasuko's........), hopped out to stand there for maybe 3 minutes as he put my order together, got back into my car, and suddenly the exhaustion hit. I can't stand for 3 minutes without getting wiped out? Jesus Fucking H. Christ!!! I hate it when I'm like that. I almost always end up walking back into the office in a daze, and wolf down half my lunch before full-consciousness and higher-thought kicks back in. It's quite creepy, actually.
Today was only a partial daze, but of course, I have now eaten too much! This is what happens with Yasuko's, the price we must pay for such yummieness. But my headache's gone! Woo-hoo! And I am no longer nauseaus or light headed! Yee-haw! Then again, I have yet to stand up since eating. Hmm... let's go test this, shall we?
Here is a bizarre email conversation I'm having with my Sweetie this afternoon:
Me:
I have a weird science question for you:
What holds the elements of an atom together? I was thinking about how it's said that gravity is the only thing in nature that actually PULLS, which made me wonder why not magnetism? Which made me think about how the planet has a whole magnetic field around it, wondering if all things magnetized are "captured" like that, making it a push (from behind), instead of a pull. This lead to pictures in my mind of atoms, electrons and... crap, those other things floating around. Positrons? That's just made up Star Trek, right? Neutrons? Dammit, what's the other thing in an atom???? Grr.
Anyway, it's not magnetism or gravity, keeping an atom together, is it? Is there a name for what keeps it together? They always talked about atoms being "attracted" to each other in science classes. Is that "attraction" the same thing that keeps a single atom together? And if so, shouldn't they have a better name for it than "attraction"?
2nd email after checking dictionary: my dictionary said the nucleus is made up of neutrons AND protons, which are positively charged, which attract the electrons circling it. For some reason I always thought it was 1 thing being circled by however many electrons that are. And aren't the # of electrons the same as it's periodic table weight??? God, so confused now...
His response:
It's not so much that electrons circle the nucleus, as there is a "cloud" around the nucleus with probablities of where a give electron might be at a particular time.� The more you know about where an electron is, the less you know about it's momentum, which is the basis for Heisenburg's uncertaintity principle, you can't ever know both precisely, at the same time.�There are four fundamental forces in physics weak, strong, electromagnetic, and gravitional.� It's been a long time, but if I remember correctly the strong force keeps the nucleus together and electromagnetic is what keeps electrons attracted to the protons.
My response:
EEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!
Anyway, do these forces pull? Or do they wrap themselves around each other and thus really are pushing?
ps: I hate Heinzenburger or whatever the fuck his name is. He sounds like a ketchup maker in cahoots with a burger factory. Evil, evil man, trying to predict unpredictability. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! This is why I had so much trouble with Nancy Kress's Probability series. Nasty, evil theories of uncertainty. These people are insane!!!!! You can throw this in with "imaginary numbers". I shall plug my ears and go "nanananana, I can't HEAR you!!!" every time. Ick.
And to reaffirm my beliefs, this is coincidentally(??) the joke of the day I got today:
Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One: of course. Two to do it, and -1 to renormalise the wave-function. (Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)
EVIL!!!
Sweetie's response:
It's been a really long time, but I am pretty sure that all the forces, except gravity, push *and* pull.� I know for a fact electromagnetic forces does both and I am pretty strong does too.� I think gravity is wierd because it only pulls instead of both.�I am going to have to look it up now to be sure.�
Isn't he sweet the way he completely ignores my paranoid rantings? :)
It has just occurred to me that my ideal job would be to just sit and be a human thinking-machine. When I'm under pressure to just get alot of computing done, I completely zone out and can do it for hours without coming up for air. Ok, food. Like when I code html. It's frustrating, but somehow invigorating to spend so much time concentrating. Video games could be like that, except your hands hurt after a while, and it gives me a headache rather quickly. So human thinking-machine, preferrably in a VR environment where I can forget about how much it hurts to sit in one place for too long. Yah. Sign me up! I can visit nature on the weeknds...
See, the problem with trying to be a human thinking-machine at work is, you inevitably need to slow down, come back to reality, and deal with piddly shit that takes a different part of your brain to sort out, and more steps than just mouse clicking to deal with. Dammit. And being a human thinking-machine leaves you kinda exhausted, dammit. I have NO DESIRE to do shitty boring little adjustments that require me to leaf through sheets and sheets of paper, constantly moving my eyes from paper to monitor, writing shit down, typing stuff in, then starting all over. BAH!
I want to be a coder. Anyone looking for a new website design? I don't know java or nuthin', but I've got html pretty much down-pat. Where the fuck does the term down-pat come from, anyway?
Boy, am I rambling... Let's just say, I hate work!
Well, another work day under my belt. I must say, I really like making these rambling entries. It shows everyone just how neurotic I am, which lets you see the real, inner-me. I don't know how to find time to compose these anymore. I spend alot of time either being busy or trying to look busy. Since my computer faces the door. In fact, my boss just scared the crap out of me 5 minutes ago. I'm angled just right so that people can see my eyes and think I can see them come in, but that's actually my blind spot. People do it way too often in this office, but this time she spoke after being here for maybe a full minute, and where she standed sounded like she was hovering right over my ear, so I practically jumped out of my chair and gave a loud shout. I told her I was going home to take my heart medication. This job will be the death of me yet!
Off to the gym with me...
