<< - >>

#227 - my aren't we pissy?
11/12/01 @ 10:23 pm

Oh, day of frustration. But I will talk about that later.

First, The Feast of All Saints. I really love Anne Rice. But I could never get into this book. The characters seemed too secretive and mysterious and cold. I stopped reading after a few chapters, if that.

The movie was beautiful. I can't remember a movie with such a beautiful cast! The cinematography was well done, but could have been better, making me think they used lots more often than the real New Orleans. The music was damn repetitive. Some of the performances were over the top. But these people took it very seriously. An amazing ensemble cast. They really brought it alive, all the emotion and passion. It was gorgeous to watch, mesmerizing to listen to their amazing accents. And in the end, it had some classic Anne Rice twists to wrench your gut. I always forget that that's what she's so good at.

I wish Anne would write like that again. I bought Blood & Gold right away, and I just couldn't read it. Her style has just gotten more and more wordy, her characters stranger and stranger. Characters I thought I knew, talking with different voices. Very strange. It would be nice if some day she would go back to they way she wrote before, but I think that's impossible.

But her style really can be gorgeous. All those words. She really likes beauty, and does so well at describing it for you. You can smell and taste and touch the wondrous sites she paints. It makes me wish once again I could capture some of that. To just flow and flow with these beautiful words from my pen. Maybe I should try with pen and paper again? Maybe that would help?

But I know my problem. It's simply lack of motivation. Every time I simply sit down and do it, I astound myself. And then I go weeks, months, even years without doing it again. Some day, when the world is a bed of roses, I won't have to work and I'll just write all day every day. Yah, I can dream, can't I?

So about work. Arrrrrrrrgggggggggghhh. Bah. Friday was horrible. I was in alot of pain, and incredibly nauseaus. But I stuck it out. Did most of the receiving, did my purchasing training, then went back to receiving. When I got to a stopping point, I went back to my desk to complete this little task Bossman had asked me to do before I left that night. It was 4:45. I figure 15-20 minutes, and maybe I could leave by 5:30 if the rest of receiving was as easy as it looked. I then spent the next hour and a half completing this fucking monotonous task. Because of computer program fuck ups and the shere volume of data to enter that no one had expected was there.

Exhausted, I went home at 6:20, knowing I had 10 or 15 minutes of receiving left to do. I told myself I would come in at 10 instead of my usual noon and get it done first thing. This morning, after staying up until 3am playing the Sims (someone help me!), I said HELL NO!!! I went in at noon.

And galpal was furious at the world, if not me. She didn't *say* she was furious. Just sent me an urgent email that I had to finish my receiving AS SOON as I came in, so it wouldn't get in the way of today's receiving. And she was in a horrible mood all day. Even though I went back there straight away and it took me LESS THAN 10 MINUTES to finish what she said she didn't have the time or inclination to do for me.

She's really pissing me off. I'm pretty sure she's pissy about alot of things right now, but I wish she'd just can this crap. She's not my boss, so she doesn't complain to me. But I wish she'd complain to my boss so I can get in their face on how busy I AM!!!

She is constantly ranting and raving about how horrible her job is, that she's constantly doing everything for everyone else, having no time to finish things. Well, JESUS H. CHRIST. Who the fuck took over receiving FROM HER??? She got NO extra duties when our co-worker quit. Me? I got 1/2 that chick's job AND took receiving away from galpal so SHE could have more time to earn her commission doing sales.

So things were slow in accounting, so I could be part time. Now I'm trying to be full time, and doing my job, 1/2 of her old job, and 1/2 of the girl who quit's job. I was so busy, I didn't have TIME to complain to anyone, watching the little things slip through the cracks and having no one to back me up to catch them.. But hell if that would stop galpal! Nope, she's constantly going off about it to her brother and her sister-in-law, earning her business lunches to discuss it.

Me, I tell them I'm running myself ragged to keep up, and they tell me I can GIVE UP things that were MY job, or give galpal some of her shit back and take on a DIFFERENT half of her job.

I say fine, that sounds like the timing would be better. But I need to be trained. Now, remember how I don't have any EXTRA TIME. But she claims that NEITHER DOES SHE. So it is now my responsibility to continue to do receiving until I can take over purchasing myself. And train on that in the meantime.

And THIS is why, when I come in Monday, she's so pissy. Because SHE determined SHE was busier than me, so SHE determined I had to do receiving Friday. And God help anyone if they think that because receiving is her job Monday, that she can do that last 10 minutes.

Jesus Christ. I'm tired of bending over backwards to take shit from her so she'll be happier.

But this is the kicker. I told Boss Lady last week that I wasn't sure if this would be enough, just the swapping duties. I hoped it would be, but I wasn't sure. And this was somehow conveyed to galpal. Obviously, without anyone mentioning that I'm having a hard time being full time because I'm MENTALLY IMBALANCED and having DAILY SUGAR CRASHES. So all she thinks is, I'm a whiney bitch who can't cope at full time, so that may mean that I could just give up, and in 2 weeks she'll be training someone new.

So she confronts me on this. I'm sitting there, trying to figure out purchasing on my own, because every time I open my mouth to ask a question, I'm afraid of what the hell she'll say next, and she confronts me. She asks me if it's even worth it to train me. Because it could all be for nothing if they hire someone else that she has to train.

This after last Friday, when she was gushing about how easy it was to train me, because unlike everyone else at work, I actually had a background in purchasing because I see the bills and our purchase orders when I'm doing accounting.

So now on top of everything else, she wants me to feel guilty that she'll have to train someone in 2 weeks? This entire time, I have wanted nothing but us to be a team. Working together to get receiving and purchasing done at the same time. If we brought someone else in, I would think it would be up to me to at least help train this person, if not just do it myself. But here she is implying that I'm wasting her time now?

I spend too much of my time feeling guilty that I'm not good enough for this company. It's not my damn fault that I'm fucked up. I work when I can, and they pay me only for the time I work. If they want to fire me, they can. If they want to get someone else in there who can do more hours, they can. I'm sick of feeling guilty that I don't do enough for them. I've been here for 5 years now, Boss Lady is being kind enough to act like maybe they owe ME some gratitude and leeway, and now this person who's supposed to be my friend thinks that she can be all bitchy to me because I still come in at noon on Mondays and her fucking brother asked me to do something Friday that kept me from doing the last 10 minutes of a job that she swears she doesn't care if it gets finished or not?

Did that sentence make sense? God, did any of this make sense? Yes, I was very pissed when I left work today.

So I went to the gym. I kicked ass, and it kicked mine, since it's been like... a month since I've gone. Hopefully I will go again tomorrow. I want to start going in the mornings, but I don't think my body could take going one afternoon, then going the next morning. But if I skip an afternoon with plans to go the next morning, it probably won't happen, and then I'll have lost my momentum!

We'll see what I can work out.

I made cute little stationary via html that I printed out on the color printer at work. It turned out pretty good. I just wanted some cute lined paper to send to my various family members so they could make me lists. I'm thinking of making them compilation CD's for Christmas. Everyone always says to make crafts or something if money is tight. Me? Do crafts? Hah! This is the closest I'm going to come.

Everyone take care.

last - next