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#173 - Lambert House
September 10, 2001 @ 11:51 am

I was going to start this entry by saying how dumb I am. But taking my morning shower, I was so ecstatic, I decided that would be a loser thing to do. Let's focus on the fact that I have done something I have wanted to do for an amazingly long time.

I emailed Lambert House about volunteering.

Let's jump back so I can explain how important this is to me. I heard about Lambert House when I was in college, and thought about contacting them to volunteer, but I wasn't particularly motivated. Then I became a Psych. major, but I was too depressed to give much thought to anyone else. Then I had my final year, kicking ass finally at college. Coinciding with that psychological problems of children class I took, I saw a segment on some news program about a center in San Diego or San Jose or some such that was just like Lambert House. Cool.

I had been wondering what the hell I was going to do with my degree, since my dreams of working in a high school were freaking me out, today's youth being MoFo scary. There I had it. I wanted to work with gay youth. I could make a difference there. Way cool.

I did a moment's worth of investigating into volunteering at Lambert House, until I discovered you had to be 25. In 1996 I was 23. I was P.I.S.S.E.D.!

That class about adolescent problems really upset me. The pigeonholing I mentioned earlier. My issues with GID. Learning that homosexuality was only crossed off the disorder list in 1973, and that many Psychologists rallied against that move. I wanted to be at a place like Lambert House more than ever.

I started working full time as a bookkeeper in May 1996. Then I started planning my wedding. In late 1997, I decided that I would walk into Lambert House in January on my 25th birthday and sign up to volunteer. To show them how important it was to me.

But instead I got wrapped up in my wedding planning, as the March 1, 1998 date drew closer with frightening speed. Sometime after the honeymoon, I realized I had never gone to Lambert House. But by this time I was dealing with the beginnings of the worst depression of my life.

I've been feeling better for awhile now, but I've been scared. And feeling scared makes me feel like a little shit. Hence wanting to start the entry calling myself a Dumbass, for being afraid of something I want so badly.

Last night I watched that Dateline show about the "Lost Boys of Sudan" that Snowgrrl talks about here. She said it affected her so much, she went out and emailed a Seattle group about volunteer information. The show affected me too. But Snowgrrl's instantaneous decision affected me more. I kicked myself in the ass and emailed the volunteer coordinator at Lambert House. Thanks Snowy, I owe you.

Look out world, here I come!

=^.^=

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