Do you ever feel afraid of who you are? That maybe you don't want to know the real you? We all have our internal conflicts, biases, hypocrises.

But on a more basic level, what if you find out something's wrong with you? If you're faced with the fact that you'll never be like other people?

I don't feel depressed, but I still feel... fragile. This is frightening enough, to see this in the back of your mind, the fact that part of you is still hiding, afraid of the world.

But what about when you're lucid enough to be afraid of yourself and never being the person you once were again?

I'm afraid of who I am, who I'm becoming. That I once stood out from the crowd, proud that I was different, and proud that I was better. Proud of my successes, my grades, my nature, my humanity.

I see my life squandered here, and wonder what the hell went wrong.

And I see myself failing even here, where I once succeeded, and wonder how much farther down the spiral this can go?

I used to work so hard at this job. My bosses adore me because of my competence. But now I can't even work full time without losing my mind. And when I am here, I'm dying to be home, to be surfing the net, reading, anything but working. When I fight this urge, I often find I've been staring into space for minutes at a time, doing nothing as I fight the instinct to flee this place.

Is it the job? Two years ago, I thought it was. Then I went into therapy, and it seemed it was me.

But this job does not normally cause me injury. It's generally just boring and tedious. So what's wrong with me? Why do I get flighty? Afraid? Nervous? Are these panic attacks? Am I fighting with panic attacks now too?

I've always been curious to know who I am, who I was, who I will be. But today? Today, for the first time in a long time, I'm just plain afraid. Afraid of the answers if I question, who am I?