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#140 - Wish 8/9/01, Part 1
2001-08-20 @ 10:43 p.m.

Entry #4 for today!!!

August 9, 2001 Wish topic, Part 1

If you could become a member of the opposite sex for 24 hours, what would you do with your day? Details guys & gals! What kind of clothes have you always wondered how the hell the other sex manages to wear & look good (bad?) in? Where would you go? Who would you talk to? What would you say? Who would you fuck? Because you know you want to. You've got to at least be curious about the equipment, right? If only just to feel it up and see what it's like. By no means does this have to be sexually themed though. There are a whole lot of things that go down in a single day that are different for each gender. Think about it, and let the world (or just me) know what you'd like to discover.

* * *

damn, that was some dream last night. i swear...

wait. wait just one fucking minute. i launch up in my bed, my normally form-fitting tank top settling limply down my chest. holy mother fucking god, where are my breasts??? and... um... i know i have to pee, but...

with a yelp, i jump out of the bed, my eyes popping out of my head as i take in the lump in my shorts that are suddenly way too tight in all the wrong places. then my head starts to swim.

when i wake up again, my hand slides down the length of my body tentatively. my hand is trembling by the time it reaches my crotch. holy fucking god, i have a penis. hell, i have a goddamned hard on. that fairy last night wasn't a dream. christ.

i sit up and wriggle my way out of my clothes. i spend a few minutes oggling myself, then i remember the mirror and scamper over to check myself out some more. first the front, then the back, then the front again. no breasts, but a slightly toned chest. no cunt, but a... thing saluting the mirror, a pair of pink balls hanging limply behind. ummm. now would be a good time to figure out how to piss. damn.

off to the bathroom. my feet are too big. i am momentarily taken with their size, distracted from my penis. then the next wave hits me, and i all but run to the bathroom. i wonder at this for a moment, but hell, it can't be that difficult, right? um, i seem to have inherited the male gene for missing the damn toilet. oops. i will never yell at my husband again.

that finished, i turn around and look in the mirror. my hair is still curly & dyed red, hanging at my shoulders. huh. i have facial stubble. weird. i am a man. damn fucking weird. now what? um, i guess i'll shower. oh shit, work!

i pad over to the telephone, dial the number from heart. our receptionist answers, i'm 2 words into asking to talk to my manager, when i stop myself. i hang up the phone. yep, i'm a man. voice and all. fuck. i walk over to the computer, switch on the monitor, send off a message to my manager that i won't be coming in today. weird cold with larangitis, so i'm sorry i couldn't call. my hands stumble around the keyboard, and i wonder at the fact that everything is going to be strange about today.

i go to take a shower. my little pink puff ball with vanilla body wash seems a little silly at the moment. i pick up my husband's bar of soap and wash up. i had entered into this with fantasies of masturbating for 24 hours straight. now i'm afraid of the damn thing. i try not to touch it the entire time. it's just too intimidating still.

i get out of the shower, drying myself off, eyeing myself in the mirror the entire time. i wonder what i should do now. i guess take care of my hair for now, although it looks kinda silly on me now. i've been meaning to cut it off anyway, so i think the first trip out of the house will be to a barber. wow. a barber. i've never been to a plain old barber before. huh.

i move into the bedroom & realize i am *fucked*. i can't go out in any of my clothes. i don't fit in my husband's clothes. but i have to wear something. i grab a pair of his jeans, and one of my belts, and cinch it up really tight. i pick out the smallest t-shirt in his closet, still too big for me. i look like a man who's lost alot of weight and is waiting until the end result to buy new clothes. scratch the barber, i need to go clothes shopping. right after i stuff an extra sock into the toe of each of my husband's shoes so they will stay on my feet.

dressed, sitting in my car, i think about where i'll go. it strikes me that it would be very amusing to try to buy anything on credit today. i find an atm and withdraw a couple hundred bucks. it's my day off, my mini-vacation, i might as well live it up a little, right?

so off to the mall. normally, i would relish every last second of this. but suddenly i'm intimidated again. how the fuck do men buy clothes in this day and age. so much of it is so... hideous. i finally find myself a nice pair of black jeans that fit, some socks, and some underwear. then i mosey on over to hot topic to look for a decent shirt. i've been trying to convince my husband to buy one of those silk ones with a dragon on it. i grab a decepticons t-shirt for day, and a red silk shirt printed with a black dragon for that night. i have big plans for the night! i also spend a few minutes looking at shoes. nope. i can't rationalize spending $100 bucks on kick-ass docs that will not fit me the next day. i hop on down to payless shoes for some cheap knock-off black boots.

before changing, i check out the gene juarez. can they fit me in? 10am on a tuesday, they sure can. yay! apparently, dudes treat other dudes differently when it comes to hair. there is less scalp massaging as he touches your hair to figure out what you want. instead of looking at me warily and trying to talk me out of it when i tell him how short i want it, he gives a nod and has at it. my first experience with reverse sexism. huh.

i leave the salon with newly-dyed black spikey hair. i'm feeling confident. until i look down and see my loose shoes & loser pants. i quickly find my car & head back home. once there, i quickly change into my "day" outfit. as i'm checking myself out in the mirror, nodding in satisfaction finally, i notice my earrings. i feel like a moron. they're just hoops, but they're slender little girlie-hoops. i kick myself for not getting something more manly at hot topic. i remove the earrings. i decide to go back to hot topic after breakfast.

breakfast. i'm starving! something i've always wanted to do is have the guts to eat a meal alone at a restaurant. i drive over to my favorite cafe, buy a newspaper outside so i won't look like a total loser all by myself, and wait for a table to open up. happily, there's a table right away, and i notice that while the hostess' smile is just as beautiful today, her eyes are looking a little... sly as she talks and motions at me. oh my god, is she flirting with me? yes, oh god, YES! the grin does not leave my face until the decidely MALE waiter comes by to take my order. i stick my nose in the paper as i wait for my food. when it comes, i'm starving, and set in ravenously. when i'm finished, i blink at myself in astonishment. apparently, eating quickly is a male trait! i am the slowest eater known to man, and i just polished off my eggs benedict with a side of white toast in under 5 minutes, and for once i ate half of the potatoes too!

oddly, the waiter does not bring my ticket. the hostess does. she grins at me as she places it face up on the table. i look it over, then set it down to grab my wallet. um, another reason to go to hot topic. i need a fucking man wallet. i look back down to see the total, and i've turned over the ticket by accident, and there staring up at me is the name "cate", followed by a phone number. holy shit. holy mother fucking shit. i blush. i try not to blush. i can't stop grinning. i wait for cate to head into the kitchen, throw some money onto the table, and exit the place quickly. cate's cute, but i'm not ready for girls just yet.

so off to hot topic, where i grab me a man wallet. with a chain. are guys paranoid or something? well, i guess they think it looks "tough", and today's about being a "man", so let's try to fit in. i buy a thick chain. and one earring. a "tough" earring that looks like one you'd pick up at a piercing shop, instead of the hair salon when you were 8 and you cried all the way home because that gun mother fucking hurt. as i'm leaving the register, something catches my eye. i pause. i consider. i grin. i ask for one of those. yep, i have big plans for tonight...

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