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#136 - hot & sweaty sex with my HUSBAND
2001-08-19 @ 12:17 a.m.

i am a paranoid, schizophrenic psycho bitch from hell. er, color me embarrassed. *sigh* let's just say that everyone i love, loves me back, and everything's right with the world again. yay!

pretty much just wanted everyone to know that, but let's see if i can ramble about some other crap to fill the void here. hmmm.....

finally, finally, FINALLY had sex today. THANK MOTHER FUCKING GOD. er, thank St. Fuck. (hehe, I seem to have gotten vixy into saying this now!)

i was up WAY too late last night, catching at least half of Spike Lee's "Girl 6". i really liked it. it would be pretty damn cool to work in the phone sex business, but i have this little-girl cheerleader voice that *so* doesn't match my personality. ick. anyway, that means pretty much the only ones who'd want to phone sex me would be pervert pedophiles. double ick.

somehow this reminds me of a conversation hubby & i had over dinner. ok, not so much as a conversation, but me rambling about my childhood, and how i hate that adults don't get that kids are sexual beings. in the 3rd grade (what's that, like 8 or 9 years old?), "hump" was on our vocabulary list. we read our vocabulary lists out loud in class, taking turns. personally, "hump" was about the only sexual word i knew at the time, but the entire class also knew it. when that word's turn came up, it fell to a girl to say it out loud. the entire class was giggling. the girl was blushing intensely and refused to say the word. the teacher was furious with the girl. she didn't get it. the little girl cried instead of saying the word. that's my first experience with adults just not understanding that children are sexual beings.

the second is what "girl 6" reminded me of right now. back in elementary school, about once a month every student pulled a "duty", some chore to perform around the school. like helping in the cafeteria or the nurse's station. or subbing for the school receptionist during her lunch break. that was the cushiest job: take messages at the rate of maybe 2 during the hour you were there, or if it was for the school nurse, hit a button & the call was magically patched through. easy as pie! it was my 2nd or 3rd (and final) time pulling this dream chore (ewww, manning the garbage bins in the lunch room. yuck.), when i gained personal experience with the school's local pervert. seems that some freak *knew* that the kids took messages for the receptionist during her lunch hour, and sometimes called in to make lewd comments to them. i embarrassed the hell out of myself when he was whispering in my ear and i couldn't hear him. i had him repeat himself about 5 times before i heard him. i'm pretty sure he said "i want to fuck you". now, i was 11 at the time. i knew what sex was, and i already knew i wanted to have sex. but i also knew what the fuck a pedophile was, and hung up the phone. still, it was kinda sexually thrilling in a bizarre way.

here's the thing. later that afternoon, i was pulled out of class to discuss this with our principal. our male principal. he asked & pleaded with me for about 5 minutes to tell him what the caller had said to me. i would have told mrs. aramori, the school nurse. i would have told my mother. i probably would have told my teacher, mrs. jose. i was not going to tell the fucking principal. not gonna do it. uh uh. he finally just let it go. but christ, WTF? they knew about this going on on a semi-regular basis, and i wasn't being interviewed by police? there was no parent-teacher conference? yep, i don't think they told my parents. and *i* certainly wasn't in the mood to discuss my first pseudo-sexual experience with them on my own. so it's always pissed me off that the damn principal didn't get that i was already a sexual person, and maybe i kinda liked what had happened, and maybe i wasn't about to say the word "fuck" in front of an authority figure. but now all these years later, i'm *really* pissed that they didn't tell my parents or the police. how damn negligent. i guess it's possible they told my father, and it was during the period that my mother wasn't living with us, and my father wasn't about to bring it up with me. go dad. yay. *shiver*

hmm. this is not the entry i wanted to write. i wanted to write about how i finally got me some good sex, not delve into the deviant nature of the beginnings of my sexuality once again. grr. i really did have normal, hot & sweaty sex with my HUSBAND. no perverts, no midgets, no fantasies of pedophile phone callers in my head. i really am growing up to be a normal girl, y'know? it just doesn't sound like that sometimes. *sigh*

hehe. just saw the last 20 seconds of alien ant farm's "smooth criminal" video for the first time. hehe. they're a bunch of geeks trying to look old enough to drink & tough enough to kick limp bizkit's ass. ahh, punky boys can be silly sometimes. the songs cool anyway.

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