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I
LOVE
YOU
VIXY
!!!
feeling really horrible right now. like life is just one big fucking shit hole. i don't know. things just get that way when you're down and then shit doesn't go your way on top of it. i hate that.
it's amazing how calm words can make you appear when all you want to do is bash something. slam your body around the room. i've never been in a mosh pit. i wish i was right now. listening to "heroin girl" as loud as i can stand it on my headphones. it's somehow soothing. and yet, i listen to it to feel madder, y'know? i think i will track down ministry after i've listened to this song about 5 more times. already listened to it about 10 times this afternoon.
you see, something's bugging me. fucking bugging me. i can't stand it. someone's really hurt my feelings, and i don't know what to do about it. diaryland is this amazing place. i've made some friends, met some interesting people. chatted with people from Seattle to Atlanta. way cool.
but what happens when it's not cool? what do you do then? this person reads my diary, apparently. or so their profile says. and yet... god, i can't take it anymore. i don't know what i'm going to do. i think i've written 3 entries so far today, and scrapped all of them, because i just don't know how to address this. this person is not in a happy place lately, alot of shit in their life. and like i did for R., i don't want to add my emotional shit on top of it. so i want to remain silent.
but i don't know how. this is my fucking diary. it's supposed to be here to release my emotions. i just don't know how to do that without shitting on someone else. and i don't like shitting on other people. it's just, getting shit on yourself really fucking messes with your head, y'know?
so i'm thinking of taking a break from dland for awhile. it's making me bitter. i have all these new people checking out my diary, and i just don't know what to write for them. i'm sorry. suddenly, i'm confused. not speechless. like i said, this is my 4th try at this entry. argh.
the world can bite my ass.
props to my homies, coz if i come back, it'll only be for you: SH, JD, Snowy, Gwen, Deeaydubya
