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#129 - facing my own prejudices
2001-08-14 @ 5:33 p.m.

does anyone else think that it's strange that the #1 brand of condoms in the US is Trojan? I'm sorry, but I don't want a Trojan horse hiding things to get BEHIND BARRIERS for a SNEAK ATTACK associated with my birth control method. So we use Lifestyles. OK, so the real reason why we use that brand is because it was what they were giving away free at Planned Parenthood when my Sweetie & I first started having sex, so it has sentimental value as the first condom we ever used. I get upset when I pick the wrong box & the wrapper is a different color. Yes, I know I'm a freak...


i really hate to write about sex while i'm at lunch, but i've got nothing better to do, since our fucking net connection is down. dammit! can't the net go down on company time, not my lunch??? i don't remember the last time I had sex. i think it was early last week, which is good, considering all the shit we had to do last week for the wedding. now that the wedding is over, i can't wait to go home & jump my hubby's bones tonight. : )~ hmm, that looked more like me sticking out my tongue than licking my lips. oh well.

so i found one of the public diaries out there yesterday. i would link it here, but the FUCKING NET IS DOWN, so I can't get you the addy right now. hmmph. so, it's a sex diary. in fact, i think it's called sex-crazed. just go to the profile screen, and the password & login are there for you, so you can post your own sexual fantasy stories. cool beans! personally, i don't think i'd ever post there, because i like to keep you guys stopping by here, y'know? but it's a cool idea, and two of the ones i read were pretty hot. i really would have liked one of them to be longer, about a chick coming home to find her male roommate & his boyfriend making out. and so the 3 of them start going at it. god, i would die & go to heaven if that was me! boy on boy action turns me on soooo much.

[ok, I found the link. it's sex-crazed]

i know most of my audience is hetero or bi-gal, so stick with me here. what i'd actually love more than boy on boy + me action, is for me & my Sweetie to finally get a 2nd girl in there. I can think of nothing that would make me hotter than my husband fucking me from behind, with a beautiful woman sprawled on the bed in front of me, as I lap at her cunt. Oh, except maybe to have a strap on & be fucking her at the same time husband is fucking me. I just can't decide. We would probably have to do both. mmmmm.

It's hard for me to go into details, though, because I've never been with a woman before. Lately, I've been trying to convince my husband that we should go to a strip club & he should buy me a lap dance. wow! I don't know if I could take that temptation though, of never having touched a woman, then having a near-naked one gyrating in my lap, only to still not be able to touch. Argh. I'm sure it would be fun nonetheless!

have I ever talked about what kinda gal turns me on? I'm ashamed to say that I'm quite sexist, in that I'm only attracted to the very pretty or sexy ones. I'm overly-attracted to the male population, finding something sexually appealing about maybe 80% of them. But it's somewhere around 20-25% of the women I see. A woman has to be damn sexy to turn me on. And the things that I like best are long hair; red hair; a small, round belly on display, preferably with a piercing; a plump ass; long legs; big smile; a tatoo somewhere on the back of the neck or small of the back. And honey or light-mocha colored skin. It's very difficult to get all those things in one woman, cause generally red-haired women are very white. That's not necessarily bad. Just no tans. I really don't care for tanned women. Too many women just overdo it & look bad. My husband and I both draw the line at "fake" or "plastic" looking women who wear too much makeup, or have giant breasts hanging out of tiny tops, have horrible dye-jobs, a glycerin smile, or fake 'n' bake orange tans. Combine all o' those, and hubby & I will do anything in our power to not come within 100' of the woman. She's just creepy if she's got more than one of those characteristics going on. Sweetie says that most of the female population of Dallas looks like this. How terrifying.


so this morning on my drive to work, I was listening to some madonna, and thinking about Angelina Jolie, and how "Original Sin" has come out & I haven't seen it. What's wrong with me? That stars only the 2 people that I want to fuck the most on the entire planet! Anyway, I realized that Angelina is the Madonna of Hollywood. I *really* love Madonna, except I don't want to fuck her. But I love what she does, showing the world her sexuality. She's kind of a role model for me, or at least something to strive for. So I was thinking about this later at work, and wondering if I would actually call madonna a role-model. And I concluded yes, I would. Is that scary? Sometimes. I remember when she got pregnant the first time, and my stomach kind of flipped over, imagining what it would be like to be parented by Madonna. Then I got over it.

Sometimes, my own prejudices get in my own way. I don't like that. I just need to chuck them out the window. Sex is healthy, and there's nothing wrong with it, and Madonna makes that point very well. She just likes to do it in a public forum. Is that so wrong? I don't think it is, and I think it's silly to think that someone who does shouldn't be allowed around kids. That's like saying a homosexual shouldn't be around kids. What does homosexuality have to do with raising children? What does having a healthy sex life have to do with it? NOTHING! Sometimes, I just surprise myself with these hidden prejudices though, and I have to sort them out & work on them.

So part of me is very aware that despite wanting to be open with all of you, I can never join the diary ring that justdeal set up for dlanders with photos of themselves, because I now need to keep my privacy more than ever. I'm seriously considering becoming a teacher. An elementary or kindergarten teacher. How many parents want someone as open as I am about my sexuality around their children? I live in Seattle, so that's a plus, but still. People freak out when they hear you're gay and like kids. What would they do if they found out I had an online diary where I talk about my sexual fantasies all the time? And my not-so-fantastical escapades? Yep, it's definitely gonna have to remain annonymous guys, sorry.

So, I'm home now, and feeling lustful, so I'm gonna see if my hubby wants to go see "Original Sin" tonight and have sex after. ooooo, one can only hope!

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