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#128 - my best friend's wedding
2001-08-13 @ 9:19 p.m.

ok, i need to remember that the fucking honey baked honey ham store makes *sucky* sammiches! grr! now, while i polish off the TINIEST SANDWICH EVER FOR $5.50, I need to try to write about this weekend, before I'm off to therapy. We'll see how I do...

this weekend was an emotional roller-coaster, so i won't even try to summarize. except to say that i'm still recovering from my case of exhaustion. ick.

let's see how well i remember Friday... as I remember, work went smoothly, then it was outtie around 2:00 or so. tried to go to burger king for a quick bite, but they are CLOSED. they have been in the U-District for all time, and I drive up, and they're just GONE. signs removed & everything. grrr. waited 5 million years for food at jack in the box, then combatted u-district fucked-up traffic to get home & scarff. grab junk. fly out the door to pick up my honey-pie downtown. have amazing adventure driving on the Alaskan Way Viaduct for the first time ever. ick. wind through West Seattle, looking for Hamilton Viewpoint park, the entrance pops out of nowhere, and I dive like a madwoman for the gate, pretty much causing my sweetie to shit his pants.

if you've ever seen a picture postcard of the Seattle skyline with water in the foreground, the picture was probably taken at this park. but West Seattle has never appealed much to me, so I had never been there until that day. it was only this summer that i had even stumbled upon Alki, for chrissakes! anyway, to get my ACTUAL point across, the view was spectacular. and it was a glorious day in Seattle, so the skies were very blue. it was great. except it was about 92F. holy fucking shit. and we rehearsed. and rehearsed. and, oh yah, rehearsed one more time. no shade. no potties. just grass & sun in your eyes. water bottles were trading off like mad. i got sunburned, but thankfully not horribly. we were only in the direct sunlight for about 1/2 hour, so V. was worse off than me.

highlights of rehearsal: i found out that JP had decided on who was Maid of Honor, and it wasn't me. :( then, to feel worse, she had V. stand next to her as MoH, then arranged us by height. guess who was last? me. :( other side of roller coaster: all of these people on the groom's side that I had never met or met once during whirleyball, were very fun. we walked alone, but we had a groomsman coming down the groom's aisle at the same time as us. we were all being very silly, shouting insults at each other, reminding each other to keep time, pushing each other into the right position, sweltering in the heat, sharing water, & giggling. it was much fun. we were all moaning about how hot it was going to be TOMORROW, and how we weren't looking forward to it, especially when it was announced that we were NOT to wear sunglassed during the ceremony. even though the sun would be setting in our eyes. and V. & I get headaches in the sun without sunglasses. but we were busy being happy, so it didn't really bug us. P. told a story about how his brother had recently been to an outdoor wedding in New York where a groomsman collapsed from heatstroke. this brought up that football player that died a few weeks ago. and still, our mood did not change. we were all happy and silly & giggly.

rehearsal dinner came next, at a fabulous place called Adriatica. don't go putting it on your must-do list, because that was their last weekend in business! like many Seattle restaurants, things suck right now, so they're going out of business after many years. except they had the bonus-evil of having some office building erected in front of their stunning view. so even regulars were not coming as much. how sad. they probably made a bundle that month though, because everyone was coming in droves to see the place that they had gotten engaged at, etc. the food was yummy, and the sliver of view of lake union(?) was very pretty.

sat with JP's parents, the MoH, another bridesmaid & my hubby. we had a ball. afterwards, my sweetie was like, "when did JP's parents get so COOL?" he had much dealing with them in high school, and i had a little bit, and I know it's quite a shock to laugh and be amused by them. i took some pictures. we swapped stories. we found out how JP's parents met. we got our bridal party presents. bridewomen got unique, yet similar jewelry to wear during the ceremony. after i panicked & went & bought some last weekend. oh well, this stuff was much dantier & pretty & silver & handmade! yay! bride-guy Sweetie got two computer games. apparently JP & SL are addicted to sim Roller Coaster, so they bought that & an upgrade for it. one more thing for my Sweetie to get addicted to! I shall have to stay far away from his computer, because Sim games are highly addictive to me! 6 months went by in a haze after I peaked over his shoulder the first time he tried the Sims. back to point: everyone had a lovely time.

afterwards, we went to the drugstore to get supplies for the next day: water, handkerchiefs for sweat, etc. then we went home & worked on Sweetie's toast. he threw out the one I wrote the day before, but incorporated many of my points into his. plus, it took the pressure off of me, because now we were back to just him talking. cool. then we packed for the next day. bed time was probably sometime around midnight.

Saturday morning we were up around 9:30. i did *not* want to get up, i think I had had a problem sleeping the night before. but hubby had to shower & wanted breakfast, so he guilted me into waking up and going to McDonald's for hotcakes & sausage. mmmmm. then the van arrived for Sweetie, & I started getting ready. van was once again 15 minutes early when it came to pick me up. grr. did not want to surprise L. by being early, but had nothing left to do to stall, so off we went. and surprised L. in the shower. oh well. we waited.

Habitude is a *fabulous* salon & spa in Ballard. it had a happenin' aptmosphere and was very laid back & open & airy. most of the staff had cool multi-colored hair & tatoos & piercings. totally my kind of place. 2 dudes there with sexy hair & tatoos. i love guys with tatoos. they are somehow darker, more mysterious. and yet i always see them when i'm wearing something silly like pooh. blfh. grr. anyway, i had my hair done, very pretty, after being very difficult & not getting my point across to the woman for quite awhile. when she was done, it was great though. then i had my make-up done, and this woman was quite attractive. she had nice medium-sized breasts, the prettiest dyed-blonde hair that was slightly pink-tinged at the ends, had a great smile & attitude, beautiful eyes, but no hips to speak of. but she was TALL, so i bet when she wears a thong, it *looks* like she has a nice ass. mmmm. she was yummy. then onto nails. this woman was MEAN with my hands. they're supposed to massage your hands to relax you, and she's about to say, "does this feel nice?" when i yelp in pain! i would have had a great desire to smack her after how she pulled my arms around all the time, except my nails looked extra perty when she was done, and i didn't want to fuck-up my french manicure!

before leaving ballard, we detoured into a sandwich shop because most of us were *starving* by now, which was sometime after 4pm. i think the place was called "the other side" or some such. now THEY have great, yummie, humungous sammiches for that same ~$5.50. yay!

then we all piled into the limo, eating, talking, drinking yummie sparkling cider that came on ice with the limo. finally got to the hotel to get ready. The Edgewater, at the end of downtown Seattle on the waterfront. this place has a fucking bizarre motiff going on. it's like a hunting lodge, with an edgy, metallic, dot.com twist. they had these metal pillars that were covered in bark, with branches sticking out at the top to look like trees, except that the branches were cut & METAL hinges were installed to give the branches JOINTS that looked like they could be RE-POSITIONED. it pretty much creeped me out. but then we got into the room, right on the water, where you could open your 2nd-story window & jump into the Puget Sound (yuck) and it was worth it!

so, first color boo-boo of the day was mascara. they had no waterproof at the salon, and of course no one brought their own, so all day we were all fixing our racoon eyes from the heat. 2nd color boo-boo became apparent at the hotel: the bottom of our shoes still had dye on them that came off on our hands. blue dye. bright blue dye. JP in bright white dress. NOT good. we got ready. we fussed. photographer came & took pictures of us fussing. we each washed our hands about 5 times. then it was off for another limo ride.

limo driver took scenic route. we were almost 1/2 hour late for the ceremony. oops. in limo, we discovered 3rd color boo-boo. brides maids' bouquets were all tied with a deep, tawny orangey colored ribbon to match the rust & deep maroon flowers. orange ribbon made sweaty hands look like i had a bad henna job. holy shit. no female attendants can now touch JP's dress. this is a traditional task for the MoH. now my Sweetie, tallest of other bride's attendants, is now in charge of fussing over JP's dress. oh well. luckily, JP's ribbon was maroon, & did not stain her hands. hurray!

walked down the bride's aisle without tripping to pretty quartet music. kept time with my groomsman. other bride's attendants remembered to walk BEHIND me to get to their position. sun was not in my eyes, as had just ducked behind trees. yay! music changed, bride and groom begin their walk down separate aisles from shade to sun towards the audience. it was the most romantic thing I've ever seen. JP met her parents at the far corner of the audience, and they were all close to tears. JP & parents marched down aisle to meet up with SL in front of arch. ceremony was going very well. officiant friend of SL was very convincing, being as he had been ordained for just this job. 1st reading went off without a hitch. then solo cello playing pretty bach music was going well.

then P. & L. start swaying out of the corner of my eye, and i'm like, "WTF, the jokes were YESTERDAY at rehearsal, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" So I turn, and P. is collapsing in L's arms. As the music quits, I'm suddenly helping lay P. into the grass. He is white, sweaty, his eyes bugging as he doesn't see me, and I swear he's fighting going down, so I think he's having a seizure. Holy shit, what do you do with someone having a seizure? Down on the grass now, I begin stroking his forehead, wiping away the sweat, whispering soft things about it being ok. A very in-charge guy that had been at the back of the audience was now there, & undoing P's jacket. Water was being pored on P's forehead. I tried to blow on his forehead (we had been blowing at each other in the limo to keep from sweating our make up off). An on-looker who had been curious about the wedding in the public park came up to me and said she was a doctor, and was he going to be ok. I tersely said I didn't know. P. was moved to shade, given some water to drink, he was talking quietly now. He stood up and was helped away to lay down out of the ceremony, somewhere in back where I couldn't see because the sun was in my eyes. I turned around and everyone had resumed their places & was waiting for me to do the same. I got in line & the cellist began again. She did not do very well. She is a very good friend of P. I was trembling, wanting to badly to look over at P, but he had been taken somewhere that was right under the sun shining in my eyes, so I couldn't see a thing.

our friend VW came & did his reading. he is an amazing person, a true theater actor, although that's not what he's going to do with his life. he's joining the priesthood. that's freaky. he did a great reading. JP & SL were married and kissed & everyone was happy, and I walked down the aisle, still trembling. P. was sitting in the back with his wife, looking better.

everyone went over to the railing in front of the view for the group photo. P. layed in the grass while things were arranged. he hobbled over to be in the picture, then laid down again as the formal pictures began. he somehow hobbled over to be in the wedding party photos, then laid down again. he was joking and smiling and ok, but he was dizzy & lying down when not needed.

more amazing romance, SL had this "action photo" in his mind that he hadn't quite told the details to JP. but she was very confident in her man, & stood there like a trooper. SL is a giant of a man. he ran through the grass towards her gracefull column of 6 foot self, and swept her up in his embrace to twirl her around not once, not twice, but 6 times. the photographer happily snapping away. all of us gasping & oohing & ahhing, scared shitless when that first twirl looked like it would take them both down. but he did it. it was incredible.

then the photos were over, & my sweetie & I walked over to P. laying in the grass. I looked down on him & said that it had been fun meeting him. he said not to worry, we would be seeing each other again. good. he is an amazing man. very much like VW the soon-to-be priest with his comedic, boisterous presence.

then onto the reception. this is where the roller coaster went the other way again. i had never been to the reception site. i had no idea what was expected of me. no one had told me, and the wedding coordinator was too busy talking with JP & SL to clue us in. we had tons of shit with us that we didn't know what to do with, because we would be taking a different limo home that night. usually, the wedding party makes a grand entrance, then the couple, so I was confused. finally, we gave up waiting for instructions & just went upstairs. we put our shit aside, & I wondered what the hell to do now. first wedding I had ever been to where the wedding party does not have their own table. there was NO assigned seating. huh. went over to check out the buffet. it was sushi. cannot believe the buffet was sushi! at least there were other places to go to get nibblets of non-sushi foods. went over to one of those. was told no, you can only have sushi until the bride & groom arrived. huh??? WTF? i got soooooo pissed, I almost hit someone. i spent a good part of the evening reeling over the fact that I was not being waited on hand and foot. I don't know why. I know that usually bridesmaids are set up on a pedestal next to the bride. given champagne before the guests, having a seat assigned to look over everyone else, given first crack at food lines, etc. it was a blow to the ego to not be maid of honor. then to realize I was not the bride & no one cared that *i* had arrived. but then to be told that now I was a regular party goer like everyone else? despite the horribly confining dress & amazingly uncomfortable shoes? i was P.I.S.S.E.D.

it wasn't until this morning that i realized why that night had been so hard on me. it's because i hate parties. i don't know how to mingle. i don't know how to talk to people i don't know. and here i had been expecting lots of great food & happy moments with my best friend & her lovely husband, my husband at my side. but what i got was food that i didn't want to eat, next to food i couldn't eat, unassigned seating, finding something to do when everyone else was chatting around me, etc. then there were the toasts. after working out a toast that i mostly wrote, husband threw that out for one that he wrote, but used my points. this was ok with me, until after he had given it, and *he* got a hug and I did not. to her credit, later that night, JP came up to me & hugged me & thanked me for the toast. at least *she* remembered I had 1/2 written it.

anyway, i did not get back to myself until the dancing began. JP & SL went to dancing lessons together. it didn't help SL very much, but they still looked good together. it was quite romantic. until it was over & i realized that they had played our 2nd song ("In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, it was our goodbye song at our wedding) and my husband was no where to be found. he could have at least held my hand or something. The father-daughter dance was very sweet, but once again my husband was missing. Then there was fast dancing and eventually my husband showed up & we danced to "Love Cats". Yay! Then he disappeared again. I did not see him for over a half hour. I thought about seeking him out when they played a slow song, but it was this song that I can't stand, so I didn't. How was I to know it would be the only slow song to dance to? I never got to slow dance with my husband.

The other toasts were very nice, the cake was yummie, & one of SL's friends demonstrated how hilarious SL is when he signs legal documents. So then it was finally time to go. I like to be in charge of things, and get pissy when things don't go my way. The chore of taking home excess alcohol, presents, & other items had been bestowed to my husband & I. Yet he didn't want to go home when the limo arrived & so many guests were still there. Yet *he* took charge of wrapping things up. Yet *he* stood around doing nothing instead. I was trying so hard after all this not to get furious with him.

We finally got out of there. The ride home was interesting. We were all wiped out & in pain, removing shoes left & right. Then we got to the couple's house to unload the limo. *that* was an adventure, the limo going up this AMAZINGLY steep hill backwards, us trying not to topple over in the back. V. got locked in the house while using the bathroom & my sweetie came back to the limo without her. Then we dropped L. off & it was finally time to go home & we crashed. Hard.

10:00am Sunday morning I woke up. The picnic was set to start at 11am. It is almost a 1.5 hour car ride. I am dead tired & my eyes hurt. I get up anyway. My head is fuzzy, my body numb. It's almost a hang over. Not a drop of alcohol passed my lips the night before. Yuck. Woke up husband, he said he would come with me. We left at 10:30am. Got stuck in NOT MOVING TRAFFIC for a half hour on I-5. Found out that night on the news that there had been a shooting, and they just closed that shit down to make sure it was "safe", even though the victims drove off the highway & the attacker(s) was long gone & not caught. Grr. Got to the picnic at noon.

Not one of my friends was there. I was sooooooooo incredibly pissed. I had been emailing these people for months about the reunion & how much I wanted to see all of them. And then when I found out I couldn't go, how I would see them all the day after at the picnic. And then NO ONE showed. I was so fucking pissed. Watching all the perfect people, who 95% of which still looked perfect, resuming all their old clicks. Argh. We stayed for about a half hour, then as we were about to leave, one of my friends arrived towing her kids that I have never seen. What an experience. She looked good, despite her horrible scarring from her hospital stay & her teeth seem to be rotting. I tried hard not to look. Because she was so happy & content & pretty despite it. I wish it had been easier to talk to her, like we'd been talking in emails lately. But mostly we just sat there looking at each other, amazed how much things change & yet stay the same in 10 years. We hung out for a 1/2 hour with her, then had to finally split to get food in us for the first time that day.

Exhaustion + no food = NOT GOOD. Finally got home around 4, slept until 6. Felt all scummy & not right all evening until this morning. But you read about that.

So I just got back from my shrinky-dink. She said that the emotions I find so bizarre having at the reception are completely normal. Because I was expecting something, and I was "de-valued" (oooooo, psychology lingo!) by not being maid of honor & being the farthest from the bride. & then with P's collapse, things got surreal. And then to get to the reception & being into a situation I completely LOATHE. Yes, she said I was being perfectly normal. Huh. Here I thought I was being petty. At least I didn't whine to anyone. And I didn't cling to my husband. points for me.

And I will always have good memories. of P. being silly Friday. of JP looking amazing. of the officiant asking us to please not be friends of JP or SL, but friends of JP *and* SL. of JP's mom crying during her toast. of SL's mom, the ice-queen mostly-evil woman choking up during her speech. of SL's brother being amazingly cute about his big brother & choking up himself. watching SL & JP dance & her trying desperately to maneuver backwards in her dress. of doing the "Rock Lobster" with Josie, the same way I did at my wedding with her in my wedding dress. and that incredibly romantic ceremony, er, before P. collapsed.

and i saw L's kids. yay! TOLD you this would be long! but HOLY FUCKING SHIT guys! Not only did we top my record of 179 hits in one day, we are over 205 now! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU ALL! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

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