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#126 - weird
2001-08-13 @ 11:46 a.m.

today is not a good day. ever since I woke up from yesterday's nap, something has felt wrong. except I still don't know what it is. i thought going to sleep finally last night would fix it, but it did not. i thought maybe i was suffering from actual, diagnosable exhaustion, after the weekend I just had, but i can't seem to sleep anymore today. so i masturbated, hoping that would lull me to sleep. it did not. i still feel weird and cranky & lonely & pretty creeped out that i feel so weird. i don't want to be alone, but i was with my hubby all night last night, and that didn't help anything. in fact, i so don't know what's going on with me right now, that i feel like i'm not even explaining this well, and everyone will just be left scratching their heads. well, join the club. maybe i should just go to work anyway, but the very thought of that makes my head hurt & my body constrict, like i'm going to have a panic attack. i am such a fucking wimp today. i just wish i knew what was wrong, so i could work on some sort of solution. maybe i will try bed again. hopefully sometime later i will feel up to clueing you all in to what kind of weekend i had. hope everyone's having a better monday than me. i love you all for 5000 hits guys. you rock my world. truly.

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