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not dead yet
05/23/02 @ 10:37 pm

Do you have any idea what a prolific writer I would be if I would just focus and WRITE when I get the urge? ARGH. Instead, I follow my old rule: I can't write because I need to do A. But I don't want to do A, so I'll do B. Lately, A = work & B = surf the internet. I think it's official now. I am an internet junkie. I have a problem. *sigh*

I just can't seem to leave the internet alone. When before, I used to wish I was doing something other than working, I'm simply not working, and surfing around all the time. It's getting kind of scarey, how much time I spend at work on the net instead of working.

I feel like a two-faced bastard for it. Because work has been so stressful, and everyone has been congratulating me on getting through it and doing such a good job at it. But, when you look at the outcome, it hasn't hurt anything to do all this surfing. So why feel so damn guilty? I don't know. It just seems a little out of control lately, I guess.

So what prompted me to write? Because after spending like 2 hours surfing (1 hour I actually took off for lunch, I swear!), I was actually trying to get something DONE before I have to leave, and my boss and my galpal are in the next room talking over lunch. And galpal is going off about something AGAIN. My god, I swear, does anything good happen to this woman??? I wonder if I would recognize her voice if there was some happiness in it!!! That's not true, since she does laugh alot, but usually it's an evil laugh... ;) I do really like her. She's so damn opinionated, she's fascinating to listen to. But right now, it's like, damn, SHUT UP already!!! What hasn't she complained about yet??? She makes me smile though. As I roll my eyes sometimes. :)

Horrible dreams lately. Bad dreams, sometimes to the extent of nightmares. I can't remember much now. I remember I had a pretty cool dream that I was going to write about in here maybe 2 days ago, but when I sat down to write it down, I couldn't remember enough pieces to make it sound coherent, let alone interesting! BAH! Something about a space-age culture of humans. I have weird flashes in my head that I can't really describe. Grr. The only thing I can really remember is a planet with cities in the sky, each one surrounded by a nifty-green-shield (TM to that Independence Day flick), but each city didn't really have any buildings, just a collection of people floating around in their own personal little nifty-green-shields (TM). And there was some sort of planetary explosion, and I sent them a psychic message not to worry, that their NGSs would keep them safe.

Yah, fascinating, I know. Grr.

Hubby is amazing. He ran a 8k/5mi run last weekend, very impressive!!! His first race ever. It's called "Beat The Bridge", a benefit for juvenile diabetes apparently. Anyway, about 3 miles in, there's the University Bridge and it goes up at a certain time, so you huff it to beat the bridge, then he said a bunch of people slowed down, walked, or just stopped after the bridge! But my sweetie made it and didn't walk! He's so amazing!

Which is so damn frustrating. I can't remember the last time we had sex. I think it was about a month ago. Our work & personal schedules have just been so off. And right when I reached the point of labido-melt-down, I-gotta-fuck-now: BAM! I had my period. That's always a mood killer, what with the mess and the pain and the bloating. Weird, because I have never been one for the side effects that other women get, and over the past year, I've been nauseaus during my period for the first time, but ALL THE TIME, and now this time I'm so damn PUFFY. Maybe it's not just my period. I've been puffy for the last month from allergies. Finally broke down and made a phone call to my doctor's office begging for Claritin. It's always hard to beg someone who you don't know for something. After all, my doctor moved away at the beginning of the year, and I haven't met my new, group-assigned doctor yet. That's a general GRRRRRRRRRRR to the medical profession.

I do have lots to talk about. Like the fascinating conversations I've been having since I told people I want to be a teacher. And how strange it is to be working with kids. Fun and frustrating at the same time.

But I have to leave to meet those kids in about a 1/2 hour, and there's lots of work to be done, so I need to jet. Newest addiction? Online quizzes! Thought it was bad before? You ain't seen nothin' yet! I found a girl who has 4 pages of online quizzes that she's taken, and I spent all night last night working through HALF of one of them!!!!!!!!

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