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#2 - how am I supposed to go back to bed with my husband when I can't stop crying over TMIL
2001-05-29 @ 4:23 a.m.

I can't stop crying. Fuck, how am I supposed to go back to bed with my husband when I can't stop crying over TMIL??????????????

He said I am special. He said he likes me. Sometimes he even elludes to loving me. Sent me an ecard, where the animation asked me to say I loved him. Does that mean he loves me??????

Cannot believe I would give everything up just to know what his hands feel like. My life, my soul, my marriage. Anything. To look into his eyes. To feel his lips. To touch his hands. Anything.

God, crying again. Birds are chirping outside. That's a bad sign. Big day at the office today, and I''m sitting here making a web diary at 4 in the morning. Crying. pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. Should not have listened to VAST while I was crying, coz I think that just made it worse.

I love him, i love him, i love him. But does he love me? Won't he ever say it?? How can I wish the things I do? For him to leave this girl that I don't know. I feel like a shit. A giant heaping shit. This girl looks like a baby. Like 14 or something. What the hell is he doing with someone so damn young??? Swear he mentioned once she was about my age though. And I thought *I* looked young for my age. You should not have to card anyone over 25. This girl, if I saw her ID, I'd spend 10 minutes making sure I really believed it was her!

Now I'm freaking out about her. Great. No, really. maybe this is the key to get me to stop crying. Think about her and what it would do to her to know the things that transpire between us. Think about burning in hell. Real Satan hell. Pitchforks and brimstone, the whole shebang. Yippie!! Roast me baby!!!!!!!!

Fuck god, fuck satan. Fuck that damn bird outside. I'm going to bed.

Adieu my love. Wish you were here, in hell with me. xxx

TMIL = The Man I Love = Not My Husband

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