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#1 - Fuck. Met TMIL tonight.
2001-05-29 @ 3:09 a.m.

Fuck. Met TMIL tonight. Actually, just saw his picture for the first time. We've been "dating" or whatever the hell this is for 2 months now, and I only today found out what he really looks like. I thought it would make a difference somehow, but it doesn't.

He still turns me on so easily. Still knows all the things to say to connect with me emotionally, to draw me closer and closer with every breath I take. We attempted some lovely erotic talk tonight, and I thought I was going to explode from not being able to touch him.

Woke up crying at 2am. Actually, woke up thinking about fucking, which led me to start sobbing, so I got up and left my husband in bed to go look at the picture of TMIL.

I hate it when I get like this. When all I can think about is being in love, and how I'm not with TMIL, and all I want in the entire world is to be in his arms, only I can't. So when I read about sex, I cry. Or, apparently, when I try to have cybersex with him, I cry.

God, to know what his hands feel like. Or his lips on my skin. His voice in my ear. His hair against my palm. Anything. Anything at all would just be bliss. And he's a million miles away. No plans to come closer. No showing up on my door at 3am with flowers and "i love you, couldn't bare to be without you any longer". God, I'm going fucking insane.

TMIL = The Man I Love = Not My Husband

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