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#370 - fucking cunt ass bitch
07.02.05 @ 11:52 pm

I recently stumbled across Sinope at SuicideGirls, and I am in agony. She reminds me so much of DW. Except that my ex-girlfriend was so much prettier, with the cutest nose, enchanting eyes, and the most beautiful smile ever to be directed at me.

I think about her way too much. Not as much as I used to. No, some days I go a whole day or two before she pops back into my head.

I've been doing alright, living my life, enjoying myself. I have a new job and it's very engaging and time-consuming. I have my wonderful husband and our cats and this house to take care of. My life is full.

My life was overflowing when she was in it. I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to spend every waking moment by her side, but also by my husband's, and she lived so far away, I just didn't know what to do with the division of my time. Ignore one or the other.

I don't know what was so wonderful about our time together. I thought we understood each other, but in the end she just shat all over that bond. She was so mean so often, I don't know why I hadn't expected it.

I *am* tired of being abandoned. I have serious trust issues. I am so much better without her in my life.

But I miss her like crazy.

My mind... this is so funny to me. Often, I get a word or phrase stuck in my head, kind of like getting a song stuck there. This can stay with me for hours or days or weeks. For weeks, it's been "cunt faced bitch" which led to "fucking cunt-faced bitch" which led to "fucking cunt ass bitch". She would pop into my head, I would think of something mean she had done to evaporate the memory, and that phrase would float through my head. Except now, every time someone cuts me off in traffic or otherwise pisses me off, "fucking cunt ass bitch" pops into my head. It would be funny, except that now the phrase is associated with DW, so my mind is something like this: "la la la, what a pretty da--- he cut me off! fucking cunt ass bitch! oh god I miss DW."

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

*sigh*

Just so you know, this is not the entirety of my life. I just want to get it off my chest, lock it up in here, never look at it again, and get on with my life.

But I *so* wish her ill. Recently, I surprised myself by wishing her well. Then tonight, something reminded me of the hook-up site we met at, and I popped over there to check on her profile. I didn't log in, in the off-chance *she* would check up on *me* - it tells you the last time the person logged in. Anyway, *she* had logged in 3 days ago.

Fucking cunt ass bitch. How dare she move on with her life? How dare she enjoy some other woman's company?? How dare she seduct some innocent woman into her fucked-up sticky web of crap???

Fucking cunt ass bitch.

I so miss her.

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