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#344 - just passing time
08.11.03 @ 9:56 pm

words I had to look up for this entry: squelch, optimism, abstain

I want to have sex. I want to have sex with my husband. Very badly. Our neice is here. We have had sex once while she was in the house, but it was late at night after we had all gone to our respective beds. It is exactly 9:05:23pm. Not time for sex yet. Fuck. My libido is so weird, I probably won't be horny come bed time. Argh.

It has been a few weeks, I think. Once again, I let opportunites pass, used excuses to squelch his optimism. And time has passed. Too much time.

I lobbied really hard this Saturday, but went about it all wrong. I wanted him to get a hair cut first. His last haircut was so sexy. I don't know why, but I'm really digging guys with buzz cuts lately. Use to be, I would want to vomit before touching a guy's stubbly head. It's quite popular in Hollywood these days, and with "alternative" guys, and now it's in my head. A bug in the ear or something. I didn't really realize how much it had affected me until he came home and I wanted to jump him.

Alas, the hair cut place was closed. And we were hungry. And we had plans with friends. No sex was had this weekend. We are losers, most usually ME.

This is a useless, nothing entry. I just want to fuck, and kind of can't right now.

Just watched The Rules of Attraction. That movie was... weird. About 1/4 of the way through, I was thinking to myself the only good thing about the movie was realizing that James Van Der Beek realy *is* a hottie, despite my revulsion over the whole "teen heart-throb thing". That glare when he was defining himself as a vampire: I almost had shivers. Then again, I'm not so sure this really *was* a good thing. After all, he's Dawson.

From there, it just got weirder and weirder. And oddly, better and better. I'm not even sure what I liked about it. Or actually if I liked it. Some of it was just a little too obvious, some of it very much not. The cinematography was like that. I've seen too many Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes to care for anyone with a fondness for rolling back the film to pick up the scene from another point of view. *rolls eyes* But there was still some great film work there.

Actually, I'm thinking my favorite part of the film was "Victor's" recounting of his trip to Europe. It was very cool. Paul Oakenfold is in this movie. That's pretty cool.

I should stop talking about the film before this turns into an actual movie review. No one wants to read that, right?

Anyway, it will detract from the sex. I want to have sex. Yes. Must keep that in mind. Must keep neice downstairs so I can surf porn or something to keep up this buzz. Yes.

How do people with kids manage to ever have sex???

Here is a question for all of you. If condoms were the only form of birth control you practiced with your partner, and you had an obvious way of telling when you ovulate each month, would you abstain from sex during ovulation? This is my dilemma of late. You don't want to know the specifics, but a year or so ago, my body decided to start telling me when it was ovulating. A reminder from the biological clock? Who knows. But it is interesting that I tend to be horny during the days it falls on. Not rip-my-clothes-off, Jessica-Alba-as-Dark-Angel-in-heat horny, but more likely to be horny than other times of the month. And husband tends to let me know he's interested more often than usual when I'm ovulating.

Yet, it is very rare that things fall into place properly for us to have sex on one of those days. But here we are, day 2 of my tell-tale signage, and I'm quite horny. And husband's gotta be, since we haven't copulated in at least 2 weeks, if memory serves. Which it's not, not very well.

So should I abstain????? I say fuck it. Alot. Please.

I don't know if I'm ever going to have a baby. Having Neice around has gotten to the point of depressing last week. I was really dragging. I think it was Thursday, I was tired, and had a really stressful day at work. On the way home, I stopped off to get some stuff for dinner, so we could have a simple meal without going out and spending too much money or consuming too much fat. I came home and as I was pulling things out of bags, I realized the ONE thing I had gone there for was the ONE thing I had forgotten to get. I practically had a fit when Husband said he wouldn't go to the store to get it.

He ended up going, because he hates my fits, and part of him feels sorry for me if they're induced by headaches. Even if I'm a world-class Bitch about it and don't deserve his sympathies.

Anyway, when the chicken arrived (the missing ingrediant), I went downstairs to cook it. It's frozen. You microwave it, then pop it in with your recipe. Cooks faster that way. Thing is, as I was taking the chicken out of the microwave, it FELL ON THE FLOOR. I thought all was lost, and to keep from screaming, as my neice was mere feet away watching TV, I slammed the microwave door closed. Twice, because it's a fucker that refuses to close the first time. I inadvertantly groaned/shouted at the same time.

Utter shame, as I picked out Neice turning to look at me from the corner of my eye. I picked up the chicken that was safe in it's plastic baggy for some unknown reason, having not spilled from the huge cut in the bag I had just made to pour it out. I drained the fat. I put it in with the rice mixture. I put the whole thing on to cook. And went upstairs to sulk that I was having the worst day ever, and on top of everything, I had embarrassed myself horribly in front of Neice. The only thing I could do at that point was pretend it had never happened. She pretended too. Good Neice.

But the next day I woke up and didn't feel any better. That was Friday. I went home early and slept, because I couldn't figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. I didn't feel right until Saturday night. It could have been a low-level migraine or stress headache, because my head did kind of hurt. But I was also more fatigued than usual, amazingly sluggish, kind of nauseated, and my mind couldn't focus on anything. I was screwing up shit at work before I went home. Oh, and my back hurt like a mother fucker, because our bed sucks. Now that I think about it, except for the backache, maybe it was a migraine, just a different kind than I've had in the past. Weird.

Well, you know how Saturday was spent: looking for a haircut after watching SWAT. Then dinner, then games at the home of friends. Sunday was shot from the beginning, as Husband was called in to work on an emergency, so I spent the day cleaning and organizing.

Leading us to today. I just do not get enough sleep. Every morning, I sit around wondering if I shouldn't just go to bed and call in sick. I've been late almost every day for over a week because of it. Thing is, once I take a shower, I'm pretty good to go. Except for Friday, but you've already read the migraine theory.

This is a sucky entry, my mind all over, telling things in weird order. I hate it when my entries don't run in chronological order.

Anyway, I think I will go masturbate or something. 'Night.

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