sometimes, our receptionist reminds me of my sister. which makes me like her more than i used to. except i've never been able to figure out what it is that reminds me of my sister. anyway, i think i know why my sister was in my dreams last night. i saw someone yesterday who made me think of her.

i was driving home, and there was this "clueless" girl (as Cher would have called her) standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. i was struck by how beautiful she would be when one day she put on a dress & some make up and did something with her hair. she had beautiful, thick hair just like kerri russell on "felicity", before she chopped it all off. this girl was wearing dark formless pants, tan boy-looking vans, and some black t-shirt with a white logo or something that was probably very smart. she looked very smart. and very young. reminded me of me & my friends back in jr. high & high school. i thought how judgemental it sounded to say she "could" be beautiful if she dressed up. how many times had people said that to me when i was a girl? this made me smile. she was going to be in a shock that first time she dressed up for a dance. just like the one i had for my first dance.

so this got me to thinking about my sister. because now that i have a semi-corporate job, i'm in khakis all the time. but my sister, she's still got her attitude & her slumming clothes. oh, to be able to dress in jeans & t-shirts every day again! t-shirts with attitude, docs that go up to your knees. *sigh* but last year, a while had gone by without me seeing her. she had always been the skinniest one in the family, but in her late teens she started filling out more and more. never fat, but not quite skinny either. and then i saw her at my cousin's wedding, the one i mentioned above that i dreamed about. she had lost *alot* of weight. so that i was almost scared for her. but i couldn't help but notice how good she looked. in a black skirt and a white silky top, her hair nearly shoulder length for once. still black, of course. i drove her to the restaurant she managed a shift for. so she could show off her outfit. it was the first time she had worn a skirt in public since god knew when. this was a girl who'd worn a stylish suit with a purple vest to her prom that she took her girlfriend too. you don't get alot butcher than my sister. and she was in a dress. looking amazingly feminine and thin. i was so happy for her, finally getting over her breakup with that same girlfriend. but i tried not to gush too much, because i was worried she had lost too much weight. i told her this, that i thought she looked lovely, but i thought maybe she was a bit too skinny. she did that thing she does. silently listening, taking in my words. finally, she smiled & laughed me off, and said she's been so busy, she doesn't seem to find the time to eat anymore.

but there's something about my sister. i don't know why, but she's always looked up to me. every time i see her, i find new ways that she's mimiced me in her life. sometimes, it's disconcerting. so i try very hard to give her fair-handed advice, when i give it. so i think she heard what i said, and i know she'll think about it. being pretty's never been something she wants, so i doubt she'll ever becoming anorexic.

now, talking about all this, i miss her. why did she have to go and ask us for money this Spring? we haven't heard from her since. *sigh* i guess for once it's up to me to make the first move with her.

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