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#109 - "bacon's goooood"
2001-08-01 @ 6:21 p.m.

yay! i thought my stupid work email ate today's entry when i tried to send it to myself at home, but it FINALLY just arrived over an hour later. huh. so, here's today's ramblings:

=^.^=

not that anyone reading this cares, but I figured out what that extra song from "Exciter" was that Depeche Mode did that I didn't recognize. It's called "When the Body Speaks". I only remembered it as it got to the end, because Martin does his little "ooooh" thing in his angel voice just like he does at the end of "Somebody", so that part stuck in my mind. At the time, I was soooo hoping he would use that to segue into "Somebody", but of course he didn't. But I got to hear angels speak to me, so that's ok!

~ * ~

ok, so I just found one more song. "Freelove", also from Exciter. I remember because 1) it was annoying as hell. There's this little "pong" sound that has seemingly nothing to do with the beat of the song, and it just started driving me nuts. But 2) it was the first sing along. We got to sing "just freedom" together. We were all kinda wimpy because it was a new song not even on the radio yet, but it was cool nonetheless. And of course the concert picked up later for some other sing alongs, the best one being "Enjoy the Silence". We practically sang the whole damn thing for David. Probably because it was the first one that they played that *everyone* knew. ::heavy sigh:: the concert was amazing, murmurs blissed-out Strawburygrl. I'm glad I remember the playlist so well, because now I can revel in my memories forever. I have this problem not being able to remember concerts even the day after the event. I think I will burn a cd for this one, so I can remember this forever.

~ * ~

hypocrisy. hypocrisy is something that most people hate to discover in others, but how often do you find it in yourself? I think I'm a hypocrite, and that most everyone else is too sometimes, so I think it should be something that we should forgive more easily. True, cases where religious leaders revel in sin are quite unforgiveable, but most everyone else is a hypocrite some of the times about some things. How I got onto this topic is a weird little trip through how my mind works: I was thinking about how yummy the Indian food at Sahib was on Saturday. I was thinking how I loved j's dish the best. I was thinking how j had lamb. I was thinking how lamb creeps me out, because they're just little lambies that never did nothing to nobody, so I've always tried to avoid it. Like veal. So I say to myself, but little baby calfs are raised in little boxes all their short lives before being led to slaughter, so *that's* why you don't eat veal. Lambies aren't raised like that. Or are they? Then I remembered how on our trip back from Eastern Washington, right before we hit the mountains, there was a farm that had a little pen with about 10 ostriches in it. My Sweetie & I are silly, pointing out the moo-cows & horsies to each other, so I squealed that I just saw ostriches. Then I got all sad, realizing they were being raised like veal, in a pen that you would be sad if you saw a pony all alone living out it's life inside. But there were about 10 ostriches. Big, giant fucking birds with nothing to do but stand or sit & look at each other, day-in, day-out. It made me sad. And today, it made me wonder if maybe lambies are raised this way too. But dammit, the lamb was damn yummie!

So what about veal? Supposedly, not all veal is raised in little boxes with no room to move or play. But isn't it creepy that we eat little baby animals with their little doe-eyes? They're BABIES. It's inbred in humans to feel overwhelmingly protective of human babies, and I think for alot of women, this carries over to baby animals, & why we find small things "cute". I've always tried very hard not to think about the things that I eat, because it can make me quite depressed to remember that when I'm eating a big juicy steak, it was once part of a cow, which are very docile, friendly animals with giant doe-eyes even as adults. And I once had a black & white calf named Garfield before it was led to the slaughter. These are the things that make me believe that I should be a vegetarian. But I just can't do it. I love my steak too much. I especially love chicken & pork though.

And what about chickens? Did you know that they're birthed in hatcheries that only want hens that can grow up to lay eggs, and all the boy chicks that hatch are gathered into a big cage that is dunked in water until they drown? Nope, they're not given to the local chicken factory to make lovely chicken wings. They're drowned to death.

And pork? Well, I don't have alot of sympathy for pigs, because my grandpig raised them. They are the stinkiest mother fuckers ever. He fed them "slop" that he picked up from the local Hawaiian hotels, their left over food. It smelled horrible. To this day, when I pass a garbage bin that smells even the slightest bit rancid, I swear I'm gonna blow chunks right there & then, visions of feeding the pigs in my head. And besides, in the immortal words of John Travolta as Vincent in Pulp Fiction, "Bacon's goooooood." I try very hard not to think about all those times I saw the little baby piglets with their cute little squeals when they were detached from their mommy's nipple. Or "Charlotte's Web".

So, I'm a big hypocrite. Also, I refuse to wear fur, but guess what? I love leather! God, besmote me now with your lightning bolts from heaven. I am evil. Hmm. I'm hungry. Wonder if I can find something with both cow & pig flesh to eat? God, I am soooo sick sometimes...

~ * ~

does anyone else out there have nightmares when they sleep in a new bed? I noticed this phenomena when I was about 16 and I got a new bed. The first 2 nights I slept on it, I had nightmares. Then the first time I slept with RH in it I had nightmares. Then the first time with M. I'm not sure if this happened with my sweetie or not, but when we moved in together, we had a new bed, and I had nightmares then too. I'm not sure about hotels, but this last weekend we woke up around the same time, looked across the room at each other from our separate beds, and accused each other of being mean in our dreams. We both had dreams of breaking up! Normally, I am the one who dreams this kind of dream. I wake up upset & cranky & hurt & angry, and I poke him & only half-mockingly accuse him of being mean to me. It usually takes all morning for me to really get over it. But we layed there and told each other how mean the other had been, and I kept saying I was sorry for being mean, and somehow that made it easier to realize this whole thing was silly & just let go of it. But it's pretty strange that we both dreamed of similar themes. The events were nothing like each other, so no weird psychic shit there, but it was still pretty strange.

~ * ~

hmm. it's been bugging me for awhile that my first boyfriend & R. both have the same first initial. it makes me question this whole calling everyone by their first initial thing. but i don't want to think of nicknames for everyone, that would just be annoying as hell. I think maybe I'm going to go by first & second initials from now on. If someone who really knows me well reads this, they could probably figure it out from that, but I'm pretty sure that even if I used nicknames they would be able to anyway, so no big deal. I was always just trying to avoid slander anyway. I'm thinking I should make up a cast list though, just to get everything straight in my head, & in yours. I think I'll make up a whole entry just on that, and post a link on my main page to it like Ursa does. We'll see if I get off my lazy butt & do that though!

~ * ~

i was going to maybe talk about some books i've been thinking about re-reading, but i think i will save that for later.

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