So, as you can see, there was quite a mix of songs. This was over the span of the main set & 1 encore. Yep, only 1 encore. We were bemoaning how short it was, but 15 songs is alot to perform, right?

The set looked quite boring at first, with the only special lighting being the raised drum kit stand & these strange double sets of fluorescent lights like you get out of the ceiling from office lighting. Except each light was about 10 feet tall, stood up and connected at the top in two's with a red(?) circle light. They flashed on & off to the beat. But then later when it got dark they displayed some flower images behind the stage. And the best part was I think for Sister of Night. At the end Martin dedicated it to the moon, because it was maybe 3/4 full & hanging right over the top of the hill that most of us were standing/seated on. It was really a lovely sight. But before he came on, they lowered these things from the top of the front of the stage, and you couldn't tell what it was until they turned them on - strings of red christmas lights, so it looked like a red waterfall over Martin's head. It was beautiful. During another song, they came down again and flashed on & off, so I think it was either the techno "I Feel Loved", or else one of the bass-thumping sex-inspiring songs from "Songs...". It was groovy.

But of course, we didn't go to see pretty lights. We went to see David sway those lovely hips that make you want to fuck him on the spot. I about died & went to heaven when they played "In Your Room". So many summer nights longing for P. as that song played... David is a *very* sexual person, obviously. I was thinking about how much I would love to fuck him, and how I can see people actually worshipping another person when you watch him at his finest. I could almost see taking his blood like a vampire just to feel that glorious power of him. I thought of how he could easily inspire such worship in so many people, only to have them tear him apart to touch or fuck or eat him to have a part of his magic, & then not to have such a beautiful thing anymore. It was a strange moment. Sorry if my mentions of blood turn some of you off, but you gotta know I love Anne Rice & Laurell coz I want to be a vampire, or at least fuck one. Duh.

And of course, the other reason why we came. To hear my angel, Martin. Yes, he has the voice of an angel, even after all these years. I would have killed to hear him sing "Somebody". He did not. :( But he sang this weird song from Exciter called "Breathe", which is a very pretty song, if you can get away from how bizarre it is that he's singing about all the saints telling him how his woman is cheating on him. Very bizarre.

That's one of the things that I love about Depeche Mode. They talk about religion, and how much of a sham it is. totally in your face with "Blasphemous Rumors" or "Personal Jesus". And they talk about finding something else to believe in, something else to worship in songs like "Halo" and "In Your Room". It's amazing.

Martin is a glorious song-writer, and one can't let themselves forget that it may be David singing and grinding his hips up there for you, but it's Martin who wrote those words. And when you hear "Somebody" it brings it all home. Speaking of which, "Home" had to suffice as "Somebody" stand-in. I told Sweetie when Ultra came out that I really loved this song, about now being finally being home, and "I should have known it from my first breath". It was like Martin was singing it about me & my love for my Sweetie. But Sweetie said he wasn't too impressed. He was not impressed with Ultra in general. to be honest, neither was I at first, but it grew on me with listenings. Exciter is kind of like that, except I think there are songs on it I'm never going to like. Oh well. I liked the ones I heard, except for the one I can't remember.

Anyway, I blew kisses to my demon-lover David, and my angel-savior Martin. They really move me. And when David sang "Never Let Me Down Again", I was like "damn, how many personal moments can I have here?" My friend from high school S. wrote me an email that I read right before leaving for the concert. I still haven't figured out what to say back. This is the 3rd time she's tried to contact me. Yes, last year I emailed her back that time, but things kind of fizzled when I said I was in a very emotional state what with the wedding planning & all. Actually, I think that was right at the beginning of the R. saga, & of course I didn't want to talk to her about it, but it was all-consuming, so I didn't know what to say. She said she'd back off while my life was all busy. So, here she is, trying again. I can't believe she actually suggested we meet for coffee if I'm not too busy. She never apologized for the shit she pulled the year we graduated & the year after that. I don't know how to proceed if she doesn't. Really, I'm not motivated to say anything to her, but I don't know what to do that she keeps trying. I have to give this some thought.

So, the final (actually, the first) revelation I had from the concert was sexual. I realized what it is that I keep trying to run from my Sweetie. David brought it all home with his hips. My Sweetie just isn't a passionate person. He doesn't come off as very sexual. He's not passionate about anything. He's opinionated & vocal about those opinions, but he's so good at getting his point across, he gets it out quickly, gives a big sigh in frustration, and lets go of his anger at an unjust world with that sigh, and that's it. He never gets angry. He never cries during movies. He doesn't really look lustful when he's lustful. And even though he's quite a happy guy, he doesn't even get really excited that often either. When he is inspired to intense emotions, it of course draws me to him. This is why I like to see him in company, when he "shows off" for them. He is of course a sexual person, and he's lustful almost all the time. But he doesn't *look* like it, and he's almost given up on coming onto me, so there's not much there to inspire *me* to lust, y'know? I have to feel desired to feel desirable. Watching David makes me feel lustful & therefore beautiful. Sweetie does not act emotional or passionate very often about anything, so... You see what I'm getting at? I'm a lustful person, and I want passion in my life. Part of me is frustrated that I haven't gone out to conquer & revel in my passions, so when I see something out there passionate that's within my grasp, how can I turn away? Hence P. Hence R. Hence I really love my Sweetie, but sometimes my eyes wander, my mind strays, my body yearns. Those are things I can control. It's when the heart gets involved too that I have problems. P. worked on me for years to get me to betray my feelings for my Sweetie. With R, it was a matter of days, and I declared it fate. I'm scared shitless of getting personal with other men now.

Anyway, that's me in a nutshell. Turned on by everything that moves! Not that I don't love my Sweetie or think that he's Passionate. He just doesn't act like it most of the time. So here I am, *talking* about passion instead of going and fucking. I need to go attack my husband now, to try and get him a little more comfortable with the idea that yes I *do* like to have sex with him, so he can start coming onto *me* again. xox.

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