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#348 - because chanter asked
11.21.03 @ 1:49 pm

Argh. My greatest problem lately with updating here is wondering what to say. It's not that I don't have anything to say, but rather I don't know how to start. And I don't know if I have enough to say to create a meaningful entry.

chanter, I adore you. I just now saw that you signed the guestbook. And why the hell haven't *you* updated in 3 months??? If you're desperate to hear my voice, er, read my words, you can always haunt my domain. I update roughly once a week. You do know my domain, right?

Nanowrimo has been rough. Very rough. I got sidetracked near the end of September when we realized how fucked over we had been by purchasing our house. I got depressed. I stopped planning for November. I think it was mid-October I decided I was going to attempt it anyway, and there was some frantic time spent trying to decide what to write. I found a two-paragraph note to myself that was about two years old. I had dismissed it as dull many times, but I tacked it and many other slips of paper on my wall and forced myself to read every damn word on every slip. What was written on that particular slip intrigued me. It was more than a character outline, more than a setting, more than the names of two characters I wanted to see get it on. It was about two wounded souls, why it would be hard for them to come together, and why they would need to come together.

Everything else I've ever written has been largely auto-biographical. I scrapped the smidgen of auto-bio, gave it some thought, sat down with my "how to write books", and developed a plan. I would use a formula and write a romance.

It was a nice plan. That first weekend in November I had an ok start, but after then I just haven't been very committed. A week or so ago I had a really good streak, and that put me up to 13,000+ words. And that's where I just stopped. I need to hit 50,000 words to be "successful".

I still really want to write it, I just never realized writing was such hard work. How easily Real Life intervenes.

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

That phrase has been looping in my mind for the past few weeks.

Let's close this topic for now with me saying: I want to finish this story. Very much. The characters have surprised me. I now know what it means for characters to go off and do their own thing when you were hoping for a different outcome. It's not as psychotic as it sounds. And I love it. It's exilerating. So I'll keep plugging away. I'm just not sure when. Hopefully this weekend and next. I really want to wear myself to the bone over the next week for this. No chance of completion, but I want to try to do my best.

Life has, for the most part, been kind to the Strawbury One for the past two months. The house has not fallen down on top of us. We decided to put off repairs until January, so we could focus on making our first Christmas in the house a joyful one. And the weather has cooperated. It's snowed 3 times in the last 2 weeks, and it's actually stuck around twice this week. Sooooo cool to live here in Shoreline where it actually snows, instead of down in Seattle where you wake up to TV images of snow just 10 miles away and you have none. Maybe some drizzle. Some frozen rain. It's really rare to get snow in the city of Seattle, I think because it's right at sea level. But no more! We gots us some snow, BABY! :)

There have been sad moments. Our hamster ran away. Had I mentioned that here already? He escaped from his LUXURIOUS AND FUCKING EXPENSIVE living space one night, and we never saw any evidence of him again, despite searching for 2 days. No evidence that the cat ate him either. He disappeared.

I saw a cat get run over right in front of me. I watched it die a horribly violent death. I've never seen death spasms like that. I was a wreck that entire day, despite coming straight home and taking a nap to try to feel better. I don't want to write details. I've successfully blocked it out and moved on. But I was such a mess I had to call Sweetie and have him come get me and take me home. It's one of the 3 most traumatic sights I've ever seen.

Sweetie's grandmother is in the ICU. Very disturbing. Sometimes, an atheist just has to stop, look up, and do the, "Is anyone out there? Can you please look after her? Please?"

But things between me and my husband have been really good. We're happy. I think most especially because of the house. And our sex lives are pretty good. Definitely not perfect, but will it ever be? Is anyone's?

I should sign off. I want to post this before my lunch break ends. I don't know when I'll write again, but I promise I will.

My thoughts are with Gwen and Proof. You two deserve happiness.

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