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#222 - conversations
11/5/2001 @ 11:02 am

Ick. 24-hour pee test. Ick. The only good thing is: it's over! Wee-haw!

That's all I have to say on that topic. Oh, one more thing: ick.

I have a confession to make. I am an idiot. Yah, like you hadn't already figured *that* out.

I went on eBay last night. It's been almost a year since I've been over there. *sigh* I should have left well-enough alone!

I searched for My Melody. Found 20 items to watch. Instantly bought 2 items. Completely over-bid on a 3rd item since I really wanted it and I couldn't instant-buy it. Then an hour later I found something soooooo much better than the 3rd item, but very similar. And I bid on it. And I won that. And now my completely over-bid item isn't even done yet, but I am soooo screwed, coz I know I'm going to win it. Dumb, dumb, DUMB! Oh well, at least it's not like $100 or anything.

Spent most of yesterday just poking around home. Sweetie finished the amateur Tivo. Works like a charm. Sound seems a little fuzzy, like a radio not-quite tuned into your station. He's going to try and fix that. Sweetie claims that he has concocted the scariest entertainment system set-up ever. I don't know about that - we still don't have the mp3 server hooked up to the stereo. YET.

But we did go out to dinner. Finally had those cheese fries from the Outback. Yay! It was the conversation that was great though.

Right before Sweetie came home (he had to work Sunday afternoon) to take me to dinner, my sister called. Did I mention that I haven't heard from her since last spring when she asked us for a loan to get a more reliable car? Here's a blow-by-blow type summary of the conversation:

Sis: I'm at the park and decided to just call you.

Me: Park?

Sis: Port Townsend has the coolest park. I like to come up here and chill out.

Me: So how are you?

Sis: I'm doing much better. Not crazy anymore.

Me: Um, what?

Sis: Mom didn't tell you? I thought she told everyone.

Me: What didn't Mom tell me?

Sis: I was a big meth-head. I went psycho. Almost died on a friend's couch.

Me: ...oh...

Sis: But I'm clean now. Been clean for a month. I don't do anything but cigarettes now.

Me: When did this start?

Sis: July

Me: And you just crashed in October?

Sis: September, yes.

Me: ...oh...

Sis: I scared the shit out of everyone. I only know 2 people who still do meth now. Everyone else I scared off of it.

Me: ...oh...

Sis: blah, blah, blah [complete change in topic] ... Mom's bouncy. A side-affect of her drugs.

Me: So mom is on drugs?

Sis: Yep. Paxil and blafamlfixan [no, I couldn't figure out what she said] for anxiety. But she's doing great other than being bouncy. She sat across from Gramma yesterday and was really happy. She baked apple pies.

Me: Why is she on drugs?

Sis: Because dad's an asshole.

Me: Duh.

Sis: but he's mellower now. He's quiet when you ask him to be. Ever since I kicked the shit out of him.

Me: um, what?

Sis: he said he wanted me out of the house because of the meth. I told him I was done with it. He pushed me and told me to hit him. I said no way was I doing that again and going to jail again. He said no matter what, he wouldn't call the cops. I said OK.

Me: ...oh... So how's baby brother?

Sis: good. he got to play football. kicked ass when they finally put him on the team.

Me: so his physical turned out ok.

Sis: y'know, I don't know. Here, why don't you ask him.

Bro: hey

Me: hey brother, how are you? Sis says you got to play football this year.

Bro: missed 2 games, but yah.

Me: so the physical went ok afterall?

Bro: I went to the cardiologist, he did 3 hours of tests and couldn't find anything. He said I was fine.

Me: That's great! I'm so happy you get to play football!

Bro: Thanks.

Me: So how's school?

Bro: It's ok.

Me: You don't like school, do you?

Bro: It's ok. It's high school I'm worried about [he goes next year]

Me: Why? [I was scared shitless of that place before I arrived]

Bro: I'm afraid of running into guys bigger than me

Me: [laugh out loud] You're kidding! Have you *looked* in the mirror lately? [my best Chandler impression]

Bro: [shy chuckle] Yah, but I'm a smart ass.

Me: OK. So. But have you *looked* in the mirror lately?!!

Phone call de-volved from there. I had to go get ready for dinner. They had to split from Port Townsend before they got soaked with impending rain storms. At dinner, Sweetie & I had fabulous conversation.

First, I told him about the above conversation. We had fun rolling our eyes together, being mystified at just how much worse it gets every time I hear from one of them. I claim that I've heard of families worse than mine, but I've never *met* any of them.

Then I bring up Monsters Inc. And that I decided something while we were waiting on the movie to start. I could have a boy. But if we have a boy first, I *have* to have a girl. So I will want to adopt. Could he do that? Have 2 so we could have a girl? He said yes.

I asked him when he thought he would be ready. He said he didn't know. I asked if he was ever going to be ready (totally non-judgemental, really need to know voice). He said he thought so.

I said I thought he liked our new nieces. He said he does. He really likes them.

Then sweetie actually volunteered emotional discussion. He said he thought he needed 2 things in order to feel ready. 1) to finish losing weight, and 2) to have a job that's settled down and in a regular pattern (ie: not completely up in the air day-to-day if it's even going to be there come morning). He went on to say that sometimes he doesn't know if he can take anymore of this.

I got really surprised. I told him he never makes me feel like he can't take anymore. He always takes whatever horrible emotions/events I go through and just rolls with the punches. I ask him if I've ever given him more than he can handle.

He says no. Just sometimes, he feels like he couldn't take any *more* on top of that. I smile. We discuss how calls from my family qualify as *more*. Wish I could just divorce them or something. And get adopted by his family.

So we talk about his family. And he says that he thinks his parents will opt for early-retirement if we have a baby. Especially if we're first. This totally surprises me, wondering where on earth he came up with this idea. He never really can explain it. I think that it's just that's the kind of family his mom comes from, with his gramma constantly wanting to spend time with and doing things for their grandkids.

I say that's ok with me. I bring up that some families, when a woman has a baby, their mother comes to live with them for 2-6 weeks. He says, "yah, in the 50s". I grin and say no, lots of people still do it. Then I tell him that if his mom wanted to do that, I would be ok with it. In fact, I would really like it if she would. I tell him that I want a baby, but I have no idea how to transition to being a mother. I mean, I don't even know how to change a diaper. Then I realize that I do remember how to do that: I was 12 when baby brother was born.

Anyway, I reiterate that I am not one of those people who hates their mother-in-law, so if his parents ever bring this up, I would really like it.

Then I bring up something about religion. And how once we have a baby, we're going to finally have to have the conversation with his parents. About atheism. I ask if they baptize babies in the Presbyterian church, he says within the first few months, yes. I say that means that they will bring it up, and we can't just avoid the issue like when we got married. He says we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I say ok, just as long as you know that the bridge is coming, and we're not going to find a ferry to take us across to avoid it.

Then, came the weirdest part. I said that they might not just let it go even if we do tell them we're atheists. He asks if that would be so bad.

I look astounded. I ask if he means what I think he means. He says that to him, it's just pouring water on a baby. No big deal. I'm astounded. I tell him that I'm agnostic, so to me, it's like "it couldn't hurt."

We sit there, looking kinda surprised at each other. We might let his parents baptize our baby. Huh.

That was the end of the most-excellent conversation. Somewhere in there was further discussion of my family. And my dad seeing our baby. I said that I had already told Mom that Dad will never see my children. She can, but he won't, so I won't bring my child into her house if he lives there. Sweetie thinks that this is easier said than done. In fact, this is what prompted him bringing up his parent's retiring, since he said they'll want to see our baby ALOT.

He also said "no offense", but he was kind of uneasy about the rest of my family seeing our baby. Yah, no shit. Meth heads and Paxil bouncers and alternate reality warriors. What's not to be uneasy about??? I told him that it wouldn't be a big deal. Nothing would change, we would still only see them on holidays. He said that we would be spending more time at his parent's house, so they could see the baby. I shrugged, and let the conversation trail off, without voicing my opinion: I don't have to tell them every time we're in town with the baby. I don't tell them now every time I'm in town.

So, yah, that was the fascinating conversation. It was great to talk about babies like that. I'm so happy to finally be talking about it some more. I've spent the last year being rather quiet about it, secretly crossing my fingers every time he spends time with our new nieces that they're wearing him down on the idea. It's nice to know that although he's not convinced yet, he thinks he will be, and he has opinions about it already. Which means he's thought about it. Yay!

Anyway, this is a long fucking entry. And I still have to turn in my pee-jug and get my blood drawn AGAIN. Yippie! NOT.

Oh, I found a pic of the plushie My Melody my Sweetie bought for me Saturday!!!

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