Her name is Petit Charat, and she is so incredibly cute! I spent too much money at Uwajamaya this on cute things, including trading cards of Petit. Ack!

The volunteering at an elementary school is going ok. I have gone 3 times, and each time I am more frustrated with the children. I want to help them, but they don't want to be helped. The ones that want your help don't need it. And these kids refuse to respect my authority. Wee-haw! I wish I knew how the others do it. It seems like the kids know who are volunteers versus who's running the show, and because the director of the program and the heads of enrichement can cancel things they like at the drop of a hat, they generally listen to them. But the rest of us? They either don't listen when we tell them to do something, or get angry at us. I think the fact that the end of the school year is close does not help matters.

Work is ok. I was really intimidated by putting together our booth for a local computer convention. But it's gone quite well. We'll see how I feel about it 2 weeks from now, when everything blows up while we're on the floor!!!

Reviews are coming soon. Once again, I'm nervous. Because I spend a god-awful amount of my time web surfing at work. Only, they don't know about it. I'm constantly freaked out that they'll find out. They do have the required software loaded on everyone's machines now to see what we're doing in real time. Some network manager's tool that lets you take over an employee's machine to get information from it without disturbing the worker, or something like that. But I don't think they use it to spy on us, like some employers would, because no one's ever said anything about it to me.

I want to tell them about going to school in the Fall, but now I don't even know if I'm going to do that. We're just not sure we can afford it. This wanting a house thing is getting really annoying. Hopefully we will start looking soon.

*sigh* I don't have alot to say, I know. I have dreamed about sex alot lately. I am ovulating and horny all the time. But I don't remember my recent dreams. Last night there was one part that was pretty creepy. Out in space on some space ship or something, and there was this creature that was like a giant spider. It would fling this web thing away from itself, kind of like a bat spreading it's wings, and it was made up of this blue energy. That's what trapped you in it's web. The thing's body itself was just a thick torso and a really big face that looked humanoid. It liked to talk soothingly to you while it approached, trying to convince you that you wanted to be eaten just as much as he wanted to eat you.

Gross, gross, gross, ick!!!!

Work definitely sucks a bit lately though, because to make up for getting off quite early 2 days a week, I'm now in the office from 10 - 5. Still less hours than most everyone else, but it's already grating on me. By 3:30 I can't stop glancing at the clock, and my hands practically itch with their desire to websurf.

That's what I wanted to say. I have an obsessive personality. I always thought that meant that your personality is so winning and likable, people are drawn to you inexplicably. I mean that I have the tendency to obsess. Over anything, but luckily not everything. Hearing gwenllian talk about her diagnosis of OCD, it gets me wondering about myself. I did have one compulsion when I was a kid, and as an adult, I really do obsess over alot of different things. I am a worrier, a point that my shrink & I & I think my husband agree on. I worry about everything. But I can usually turn it off & set it aside once I realize it's bugging me. Usually. Sometimes it requires a good cry and a hug from my husband, but I'm very good at denial. So maybe my ability to deny, learned through necessity, helps combat my obsessive tendencies? Maybe, but not much.

Gwen, I thought you'd find this interesting, but I didn't know how to describe it before, because I've never told anyone about it. I told my husband about it last weekend, so I have some words to describe it now. When I was young, like 8-10 maybe?, things had to be "even". You know that person in the movies who is so anal retentive that they have to straighten the painting on the wall, whether they're in someone else's home or in a gallery, or whatever. It's kind of like that. But it usually revolved around my own body. When my right knee itched, if I scratched it, I would have to itch the left knee. That was generally the most common part of it, kind of mundane, but the weirdest part is that it was in my eyes too. If I blinked harder in one eye, I'd blink again, trying to just blink in the other eye. Sometimes, I'd get in these viscious cycles, itch one leg, itch the other, but I itched too hard, so now the first leg wanted to be itched again. And if I had an itch on the side of my nose, since it's so close to the center of my face, I would often have to scratch the other side of my nose, then my forehead, then my outer forehead, and come down my cheeks and then to my chin.

This did not last long, because it really freaked me out. The idea that I could spend minutes at a time trapped in a cycle that started with my damn hand itching was pretty scarey. I taught myself to ignore it. It went away. I can still remember exactly how it feels though - the neglected area tingles, and it wants to be itched, rubbed, scratched, anything. Weird, huh? Thank god that never escalated to the hand washing thing!

But I really must reveal, I really obsess about germs. I do wash my hands too much in a day, because once I've touched anything dirty, I have to wash before I do anything else, because I'm afraid I'll forget & touch my face. Somewhat rational, but it can get obsessive, to the point that my hands tingle and they feel like they're throbbing to get my attention. hurry and wash! hurry and wash! you know you want to touch your face! you do! you do! Probably because of high school chemistry, when on the first day before playing with the chemicals, the teacher told us to ALWAYS be aware of where your hands are. Because some people distractedly suck things off of their fingers when they get messy, because they cook alot. And that's fucking DANGEROUS in a chemical lab.

Anyway, that's wacky me! Hope to post again soon. Sorry to ignore you all for so long!

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